Hadley Freeman's four fashion commandments for men in summer:
quote:1) Trousers - as in full-length - are the only acceptable legwear. Beige/khaki ideally (let's all conjure up the image of Jude Law in The Talented Mr Ripley. Some of you out there might wish to ponder on this a little more with me. And a little more). Three-quarter length ones are banned if you're over five, and shorts are absolutely forbidden in non-exercising contexts. Yes, even if you're Australian.
2) If there is not a law on short-sleeved button down shirts, then let's make one. Do you enjoy resembling a David Brent-like office pen-pusher? Is that the look you're going for this summer? Well, then you've done it with aplomb. For the rest of you, button down shirts MUST have long sleeves, and if your lower arms need to breathe, simply roll up the sleeves. Short-sleeved polo shirts are fine, but don't button the top two buttons. T-shirts are obviously acceptable, but they must obey the same rules as women's tops: (a) no writing, (b) no holes (c) no garment over two years old. And yes, some kind of top half covering is obligatory. But if you flout this rule, follow the simple head/back rule - the latter must not have more hair than the former.
3. Only Bono is allowed to wear wraparound sunglasses. Frankly, even he looks a prat, but he's now too saintly for anyone to point this out to him. There are too many men out there who still show the formative mark of Top Gun and opt for aviator shades. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are not Maverick (or even Goose), and nobody likes talking to their mirror image - so get rid of them. Simple black or steel-rimmed will do. Comedy vintage ones are allowed only if you're an overexuberant fashion stylist and/or at a carnival in South America.
4. Footwear: birkenstocks and flipflops are OK - but please sort out your feet, and in particular your toenails. Real men do have pedicures, so get a grip on your masculinity issues and sort it out. Nice clean trainers are good (in particular the John Varvatos slip-ons for Converse), but the sweaty, smelly ones you've been wearing all winter are not.
Of course, you wouldn't want to go about dressed like Bryan fucking Ferry for six months of the year, but you can maybe see what she's getting at. Summer does tend to throw we Britainmen into a bit of a tizz - usually resolved by going for maximum comfort at the expense of looking like a sack of crap. I'm worse than anyone in this - as some highly incriminating photos taken by Mart in old Cordoba conclusively prove - so it'd be nice to get some alternative perspectives on what looks good, fashion-wise, once the temperature starts to soar.
Men: what threads do you go for when the sun has got his hate on?
Women: more do's and don'ts for the summer wardrobe of your menfolks?Posts: 8657
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According to this article I'm not too badly dressed. Except for the birkenstocks, fuck that! "Its summer everyone, lets head out and get some pedicures!!" Christ...
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I don't agree with the trouser thing above. I do like to see a man in a pair of white linen trousers, tis true, but I also don't mind 3/4 lengths [as long as they are "nice" ones] or shorts [as long as the legs are up to it and they're decent shorts].
Definite no-no's:-
Capped sleeved t-shirts. They just look wrong and as if you have escaped from a 1980's fitness video.
Muscle vests. They are horrible and look nice on not one single person I could think of, including Rutger Hauer in his hey-day, so that's saying something.
Nylon shorts/shorts that are too short. You know the ones I mean? Those scooped edge shorts that runners used to wear that leave very little to the imagination?
Wicker shoes. White ones are the worst. Or cream.
Call me an old perv if you will, but I like driving round in the summer do a bit of sight seeing.
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I only like summer when I can lounge around in my back garden in a pair of old cut-off combats and grubby t-shirt.
Today I's in Londinium, and wearing beige open-necked shirt, olive green Chino shorts and Adidas Nizzas. Simple, hardly at the cutting edge of fashion, but functional and comfortable.
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I would mostly agree with that writer. Only they forgot to include "anything with an FCUK logo".
They've also missed the important point that even the most unstylish of t-shirts is still infinitely preferable to undulating rolls of alternately sun-seared and porridge-pallid flab. Perhaps with some faded tattoos.
Also, pants showing above trousers. At any time of the year. On boys or girls. Am I the only person left in Western culture who doesn't want to flash their undercrackers?
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According to that article, I'm a fucking mess. I laughed at the bit that said 'no t-shirts over two years old and none with writing on them', given I favour heavy metal shirts that proudly announce I saw the Fear Factory 'Machines of Hate' tour in 1996. I think a t-shirt that announces it's age as ten years plus should be regarded as a paen to durability as well as a tribute to the owner (ie me's) steadfast refusal to be swayed by the fickle nature of fashion. Some people might say that's a pig headed adherence to a teenage mind set that should be gratefully left behind; an attitude that's ugly on a teenager and bordering on the disturbing for a 27 year old. These people can go fuck themselves. I see it as my resolute commitment to wear what the fuck I want, and moreover to keep my annual clothing budget from spiralling recklessly over the £25 mark.
So the shorts too, are usually in the region of ten or so years old - my favourites being an ancient pair of black cut off jeans that I've had since I was 16. Can Hadley Freeman fit into the clothes she was wearing 11 years ago? I bet she can't, the fat fucking whore. Anyway, I finally look OK in shorts - previous years had my twig like legs waving whitely out in a sickening display of fragility and mal-nutrition. At least this year, with a bit of weight gain, they do actually look like human legs, so I'm happier than usual to put them out on display.
As for footwear, I plump for the Converse All Stars I bought - yes! - 10 years ago. They're a bit fucked up now - coupla holes here and there, and they're super dirty, but to replace them would be to mark myself out as a narcisstic, vanity ridden monstrosity who paid attention to the sort of people who write fashion columns for the guardian.
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Men: what threads do you go for when the sun has got his hate on?
I am such a fashion hater it's wrong. But when the sun comes out I go for whatever the fuck makes me feel comfortable. I can't beleieve that list though. T-shirts are ok, if they don't have any designs? I went into H&M with a mate to find some ordinary pants this weekend. he went nuts because the only ones they stocked were lycra. I mean, we have a predicted 10 day heatwave and all they sell are lycra pants. Hells bell(end)s! Usually, summer is T-shirt and shorts. I am going to be rocking skate shorts and white socks pulled up to calf. Think: japanese schoolboy meets skate-punk. I've had my eyes on a pair of red suede Hook Up 3/4 pumps. Trousers all the way through summer. FUCK OFF. I am wearing shorts. Unfashionable? Yeah. Sweaty Knees? No. If I was going to some fancy restaurant, then I would iron a pair of light fabric trousers. Shades? My favourite (broken) pair are a pair of white rimmed Dame Edna looky-likes as sported by Kurt circa 2002:
But just to peak my fury, look. The South-Wests Saltrock has shunned everyone of my best garbs:
quote:Originally posted by saltrock: Definite no-no's:-
Capped sleeved t-shirts. They just look wrong and as if you have escaped from a 1980's fitness video.
You are so wrong. Anybody who wears a sleeveless top without irony is asking for trouble. I am a proud owner of a 'My Party Was a Blast at LASER QUEST' t-shirt.
quote:Muscle vests. They are horrible and look nice on not one single person I could think of, including Rutger Hauer in his hey-day, so that's saying something.
I have one of these too. The fact I have no tone, no definition means that I am a few baked bean/beer stains away from looking like white trash in Texas. The fact it looks so bad, makes it so good.
I guess I don't worry about what people say. I don't think I can ever get the balance right, I just choose what I think will look different yet aesthetic and be a bit carefree with it. okay, the wife-beater is a mistake, but come on, I'm allowed a sense of irony.
scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
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quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: I would mostly agree with that writer. Only they forgot to include "anything with an FCUK logo".
They've also missed the important point that even the most unstylish of t-shirts is still infinitely preferable to undulating rolls of alternately sun-seared and porridge-pallid flab. Perhaps with some faded tattoos.
I would mostly agree with VP. Unattractive, scorched man-flesh is right up there with scat porn in the 'Stuff I Would Never Look at if I had anything even remotely approaching the concept of a choice' category.
I would agree with everything apart from this:
quote: Also, pants showing above trousers.
Not - obviously - the ridiculous skate boys that hang their pants off their knobs and round the curve of their arses, but a little bit of that cotton against a nice tummy when subject is sunbathing unostentatiously in a balmy summer park...rrrrwwwwwl.
[ 21.06.2005, 11:38: Message edited by: scrawny ]
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quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Also, pants showing above trousers. At any time of the year. On boys or girls. Am I the only person left in Western culture who doesn't want to flash their undercrackers?
I'm sorry Veep but I disagree with you. When you are a smallmalepersonn, buying anything except oversized boxers or trunks is walking the razors edge. Especially trousers that fit. They are either skin tight or comedy clown sized with adjustable hoop. You must let pant/trouser co-ordination slide, for the benefit of people like me.
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: I guess I don't worry about what people say. I just choose what I think will look different yet aesthetic and be a bit carefree with it.
posted
Combat/Utility below the knee shorts in beige or khaki, a decent t-shirt or two and a couple of pairs of old school adidas is all a man needs in the summer
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Lol, I really must rank as breaking pretty much every style taboo I guess. Having been off work this week I've spent the last few days wearing beige just-below-knee length shorts, sleeveless t-shirt/vest and a pair of slightly tired but oh so comfortable brown snuff leather clarks sandals with lovely cushioned soles. Oh and a pair of shades. I do have a bit of sunburn on my shoulders, inadvertently gained while, shock horror, sitting shirtless in the park for an hour or so the other day eating my lunch. No doubt I'm breaking all sorts of fsahion/style rules, but frankly anyone who has a problem with it can go stick their cock/mimsy in a blender for all I care, I'm going for comfortable and functional and fuck what anyone else thinks.
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quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: My favourite (broken) pair are a pair of white rimmed Dame Edna looky-likes as sported by Kurt circa 2002:
Ermm... But he has been dead for over 10 years?
Also Thorn - thank you for saying exactly what I wanted to say, but could not have put so eloquently. The recent lack of normal work shirts due to them being still at my ex's has meant as emergency and having to wear Metal Shirts of this ilk to work, to which the comments have been more in recognition than of questionable choice of clothing for the office - as long as I avoid the more sweary ones.
I have all of my metal shirts going back to the late 80's - most are stored away but I have a few dating back the last 10 years still in fashionable rotation - it's the mark of an undying love for a genre of music often frowned upon, though recent years have seen additions that may be more adult-friendly (Billy Bragg for example). It's also a mark of my indivduality, my refusal to conform and my desire to break away from the normality I see in a lot of my peers. So that's what you will catch me wearing in the summer.
Shorts? I have some Nike Knee length shorts, or failing that my West Ham footie shorts (thankfully not the 80's ball hugger styley). Trainers? Again Reebok West Ham United (helps having friends in the trade) trainers in white, but dirtied up a bit through wear. Mind you I wouldn't mind a pair of converses - the ones with the flames up the side would be nice.
Bins - always Ray Bans.
Sunburn - yes, though on my forehead - this is due to standing in Nijmegen saturday at a metal gig in scorching heat and was thus unavoidable.
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: My favourite (broken) pair are a pair of white rimmed Dame Edna looky-likes as sported by Kurt circa 2002:
Ermm... But he has been dead for over 10 years?
Loffle! I meant about 1992. Zombie Kurt comes back from the grave to offer me fashion tips. Dir. Simon Pegg.
quote:Originally posted by Physic: N.B - I've been drinking since 6, does it show?
1. If you're going to wear summer clothes, damn well wear summer clothes. Don't mix and match. A popular look I keep spotting is: top half clad in shirt and tie, bottom half wearing bermuda shorts. You look like Mr Ben got stuck half way through the magic changing room. Stop it.
2. Sportswear, specifically football strip, is not real clothing, regardless of what Charlie Porter may have been saying about cashmere rugby shirts. Ideally I'd like you to burn the offending items, but if that's not possible, restrict yourself to designated pub gardens on Saturday afternoons.
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God! This woman is awful. She gets paid to write drivel.
quote:Hadley said: Or what about Theresa May? For God's sake, the woman is just wearing Russell & Bromley! From the way the press (and the conservative party) slavered over her shoes you'd think the woman appeared on stage in full-on bondage gear.
quote:But Hadley also said, previously: Those quite simply mind-bogglingly awful leopard-print high heels in which Ms May strode on to the platform and terrorised the ever-ageing party faithful. It was like watching the collective fantasy of all those Tory men in the audience: to be harangued by a scary, school-marmish woman with hints of kinky inclinations. Listen to me or I'll kick you with my pointed printed toes, you naughty, naughty boys!
I can't believe I just cut'n'pasted all that together; I have much more important things to be doing.
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[offtopicrantyranty] Yikes Mart, we're heading dangerously into the useless columnists rant. I just can't stop myself from mentioning "Cocktail Girl" Polly Vernon, who appears to get paid to hang around London bars in ligged shoes. Perhaps I should give her credit for the skill involved in stretching "I got drunk" to 500 words and calling it lifestyle. But then she cropped up in women's glossy Grazia last week in an article which consisted of her being pictured sucking her cheeks in whilst (shock!) wearing clothes and saying things like "I'm not a yummy mummy but this skirt makes me feel grown up. Can clothes really make you broody?" Aaaaargh.
If Zoe Williams has ever written about men's fashion this thread is in trouble. Sorry guys [/offtopicrantyranty]
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quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: The fact it looks so bad, makes it so good.
Ha! NWoD nearly quoted the worst phrase in the English language.
I've been thinking about this since yesterday and, jackets or coats and jumpers obviously not included, I can't think of a way in which my summer dress differs from what I would wear in the winter. I may go for thicker socks in the winter. And the boots/trainers ratio may be lower in the summer but that's about it, really. I think I own two pairs of shorts, one of which I use on that twice annual occasion when I get into some form of water -- usually a lake. I'm not sure when I wear the other pair. Never I guess. But yeah. My wardrobe doesn't differ at all. I have a lot of T-shirts. Loads. And shirts, thousands of those too. Ranging in age to, I guess, up to about 14 years or something. I still wear them, even though they have holes in them. I even have a lucky shirt that, if I were to wear it now, would require at least two safety pins. I am lacking in trousers though. I usually have about two pairs of jeans and two pairs of cords on rotation. Winter and summer. I guess I get a bit hot in the summer but I don't really mind that. That's what's supposed to happen. I fail to see how any self-respecting male can give a fuck about the rubbish in that article. I mean it was titled Suits you, sir. Fucksake.
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Tend to dress the same all year round, trousers or my one pair of jeans, and tee-shirt or shirt. I have two hoodies, and a couple of jumpers, no sports clothing, and one pair of shorts that come out if I'm working in a very hot place. As for footwear, I have my one favourite pair of trainers at any given time, a couple of pairs of work shoes and a pair of sandle things. The sandles come out when hot and I've run out of socks.
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Lol, what a fucking crock of shite those rules are.
Today I am wearing a pair of black Columbia technical/sports sansals. Not quite 3/4 length Billabong shorts in combat green. A fresh, clean, light-grey Filter T-shirt with a print on it. Black Ray-Ban wraparounds.
This or variations involving short sleeved shirts (or long sleeve shirts with the sleeves rolled up) and/or combats with the legs rolled up to 3/4 length is my usual attire for this time of year /type of weather.
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I don't get it with 3/4 shorts. What's the point of wearing shorts that aren't actually all that short? Your shins might be getting a bit of breeze, but your thighs and the backs of your knees are still cooking. They're actually just glorified half-masts, when you think about it.
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quote:Originally posted by ben: I don't get it with 3/4 shorts. What's the point of wearing shorts that aren't actually all that short? Your shins might be getting a bit of breeze, but your thighs and the backs of your knees are still cooking. They're actually just glorified half-masts, when you think about it.
It's not really about practicality or functionality though, is it. I'm strongly in favour of being able to wear a skirt for example. That would be great. However that would make me look like either (a) a transvestite or (b) a twat.
3/4 length shorts. Hmm. I've never had any. I can't understand why it's become so important. They look kind of alright though, in my opinion. My objection is something else. Even if they did look like shit (and I strongly agree with VP about the FCUK rubbish) I don't like being told about that by the fucking Guardian.
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men do look crap in the summer, it's true, but then we're hardly awesoma the rest of the year, are we?
i disagree with the womane about 3/4 length shorts - they're about the only thing that make my hobbit legs look reasonable (fact - a girl on my recent holiday asked me if anyone ever told me i looked like elijah wood. lol. not from the knees up, no.). i would prefer to wear trousers but obv it's often too hot for that.
however, i don't think she goes far enough on the button-down / short-sleeved shirt thing. my view is:
never wear a short-sleeved shirt unless you intend to do a full safety briefing, point out the over-wing exits, and serve bloody marys.
never wear a shirt with button-down collars. ever. they are utterly vile.
i too fall foul of her t-shirt rules, owning several with words on, many over 2 years old, and some in very poor shape.
today's clothes:
five year old black lauren polo shirt 3/4 length combat shorts from hennes birkos
not an outfit carefully thought out, just took my jeans off and put shorts on when i got home this lunchtime.
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quote:Originally posted by ben: I don't get it with 3/4 shorts. What's the point of wearing shorts that aren't actually all that short? Your shins might be getting a bit of breeze, but your thighs and the backs of your knees are still cooking. They're actually just glorified half-masts, when you think about it.
follow this argument to its natural conclusion and you'd be wearing nothing but a thong from april to october, ben. that would not work.
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The business with three-quarter length trousers is that they permit another skin-air contact zone, so air can circulate and cool one's sweaty pegs. Assuming one is insufficiently self-defeating to wear 'em with socks.
Hadley Freeman can go fuck herself with an inferior kitten heel. One of the nice things about being a gayer in London in the summertime is the amount of male flesh on display. Doesn't even have to be Muscle Mary flesh either. Bears are, it would appear, the new skinheads (or something).
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I think linen shirts look okay with a 3/4 length trousers. It's like an injection of romance into something that could go so wrong.
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quote:Originally posted by Ganesh: The business with three-quarter length trousers is that they permit another skin-air contact zone, so air can circulate and cool one's sweaty pegs. Assuming one is insufficiently self-defeating to wear 'em with socks.
Well, yerr - but why not go the whole hog and just wear proper shorts... get more air to your legs and - *gasp* - sunlight. They may not be considered the highest shizzle of fashion but the only person who ever looked 'good' in 3/4s was that bearded guy out of Queens From The Stone Age. Everyone else just looks like they're waiting to be picked up by their mum outside a Limp Bizkit concert.
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I have a total paucity of clothes for when it's hot, what it with not happening very often. I'm boiling my ass off in black jeans and a T-shirt (both sleeveless AND with writing on- oops! It's a Ministry Psalm 69 one, so I totally agree with the point about the coolness of "old" band t-shirts posted above). I do have some cut-off combat shorts, but I can't wear them cos I've only got biker boots in the way of footwear at the moment, and that combination would look too silly even for me.
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quote:Originally posted by Ganesh: The business with three-quarter length trousers is that they permit another skin-air contact zone, so air can circulate and cool one's sweaty pegs. Assuming one is insufficiently self-defeating to wear 'em with socks.
Well, yerr - but why not go the whole hog and just wear proper shorts... get more air to your legs and - *gasp* - sunlight. They may not be considered the highest shizzle of fashion but the only person who ever looked 'good' in 3/4s was that bearded guy out of Queens From The Stone Age. Everyone else just looks like they're waiting to be picked up by their mum outside a Limp Bizkit concert.
I'd hazard a guess that they're wearing them with the wrong shoes then Ben. They need to balance proportions.
But seriously, cropped trousers are different to shorts in that they can be slightly smarter (on either men or women). They don't show your knees, give a longer, cleaner silhouette, depending on what they're worn with of course.
It is a bit like saying "why wear a short sleeved shirt, when you can just wear a vest?"
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I don't really like 3/4 trousers. This is because I distinctly remember being in the lanky long legs phase of late childhood/early adolescence. I HATED having trousers that were a bit too short; I always felt like the little strip of flesh showing was really obvious and shameful, and that everybody stared at it.
Therefore I find it weird that people choose to wear truncated trousers. I also don't think they are very flattering; the wearers either look spindly or stumpy depending on their stature.
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