A Somalian arrives in Leicester as a new immigrant to the United Kingdom.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by.
"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Britain!" The person says "I no British. I from Russia"
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Britain!" That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Iran, I am not British!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a British citizen?" She says, "No, I am from Romania!"
So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the British?"
The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says... "Probably at work."
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posted
Yes, Britain's Pakistani community is famously lazy and workshy isn't it? And Leicester, a city well known for the way its Asian residents loll around at home on benefits instead of running thousands of small businesses.
I really think that joke needs a bit (a lot) of work.
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
posted
hardly, she just called you on a shit joke.
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posted
Christ, I didn't say it was the fucking epitome of humour. The title is "off-colour jokes that shouldn't, but do, make you laugh." Which it did me. Made me laugh. I bet there are jokes make you laugh, that others will just say that was shit. But fear not, I've learnt my lesson. My next thread will be called "Let's critique a joke and show how it isn't factual"... That'd be a laugh.
Fucking hell... Did you all get a dose of Fifi for Christmas?
Fuck this for a bag of peanuts... I'll just go back into my cubby hole in Web.
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schism
Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes ?
posted
quote:Originally posted by London: I have a joke! I have a joke!
quote: Whats the best part of having sex with an eight year old in the shower?
Slicking her hair back and making her look six.
Who will like my joke?
I just blew bucks fizz out of my nose.
I really shouldn't have.
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quote:Originally posted by London: I have a joke! I have a joke!
quote: Whats the best part of having sex with an eight year old in the shower?
Slicking her hair back and making her look six.
Who will like my joke?
I don't think that one works either - can't see why an eight year old with slicked back hair would look six. Do six year olds famously slick their hair back or something? Maybe I'm not in touch with the kids anymore
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posted
Ohh.. Ohh.. I've got one that makes fun of the way Japanese people speak... But you've probably heard it..
[Joke] A dustman, during his appointed rounds, notices that this one particular house doesn't appear to have a bin of any kind.
He searches the front garden... He searches the back garden... Nothing. So, hoping to procure some kind of Christmas bonus, he knocks on the door of the house.
*Knock-Knock*...
*Knock-Knock*...
Nothing...
He tries the bell.
*Ring-Ring*...
*Ring-Ring*...
Eventually, a small, red-faced Japanese Gentleman comes to the door.
'Where's your bin?' Asks the friendly recycling operative 'I bin on the toilet..' replies the typecast oriental
'No,' Sighs the Dustie, 'Where's your DUST-bin?' 'I DUST-bin.. on the toilet'
The council-worker thinks that perhaps this is more trouble than it's worth, but tries once more..
'OK, Where's your WHEELIE-bin?' At this the Japanese man breaks down in tears.. 'OK.. OK.. I WHEELIE-bin having a wank' [/Joke]
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not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
quote:Originally posted by schism: I just blew bucks fizz out of my nose.
That's mine. That made me laugh out loud, but really shouldn't have.
ETA another joke about Japanese speech.
A new Japanese chap came to work in an office and was put in charge of supplies. After a few days, the office workers noticed that supplies were running low, and the new chap hadn't been seen since he arrived. When a large brown box arrived, the office were relieved and decided to open it. As they were gathered round ready to claim their biros and staplers, the Japanese chap leapt out yelling "Supplies!"
quote:Originally posted by froopyscot: What's the best part of having sex with an eight-year-old girl?
Flipping her over and pretending she's an eight-year-old boy. [/QB]
That actually works quite a bit better, and I suspect is probably how the joke was meant to run before it was put through a mangle of Shoreditch numbskulls repeating it just to be offensive without actually stopping to think on whether or not it was funny. The initial telling reminds me of the guy in Raising Arizona who goes "How many polacks does it take to change a light bulb? Three!" and then pisses himself laughing.
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posted
This one counts on you knowing that the French are all homosexual cowards.
Two members of the Elite French Paratroop Regiment had been seconded to the SAS in the spirit of the Entente Cordiale.
At the end of their first day of training, they met up to discuss their experiences.
'So, Jacques, 'Ow waz your furrzt day?'
'Ah, Jean-Pierre, Zey wanted moi to get uzed to zere new parachute style'
'Ah.. Bon'
'Oui, I wernt to ze training tower wiz ze large Sergeant-Majeur, climbed urp to ze 10 meter platforrrm.. Zen he shouted "Jurmp!"'
'Non?'
'Oui, I zed to him, "Non, I will not jurmp, I am a membeur of an Elite Regiment.. Jurmping from 10 meters is beneth me"'
'Soooo, what 'appurned next?'
'Well, we went urp to ze 50 meter platforrrm. and once more he shouted "Jurmp!" Once more, I zed "Non, I will not jurmp, I am a membeur of an Elite Regiment.. Jurmping from 50 meters is beneth me"'
'Zen what 'appurned?'
'Zen, we climbed all ze way urp to ze 100 meter platforrrm, he took down hiz trouzers pointed at his hairy peniz and said, "Right, If you do not Jurmp, I will stick thiz right up your arse!"'
'And did you Jurmp?'
'A little, at first'
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quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: This is just so shit I'm in awe of it. I think this joke could be the blow which finally put TMO out of its misery for me.
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: This is just so shit I'm in awe of it. I think this joke could be the blow which finally put TMO out of its misery for me.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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