Props to everyone who made it to the northmeat - I had a fantastic time and Patrick commented, without prompting, that you all seemed 'a pretty sound bunch of people' so I guess he must have been more hammered than he looked.
Hope everyone got back to reality without injury or distress - especially Bamba: what happened to you, man? We did two sweeps of the place and you seemed to have vanished without a trace. Queer were looks I got as I spent several minutes bellowing Bambaaa at the looked stall in the toilets there. We assumed you must have either got chucked out or - who knows? - got lucky, but it would be good to hear you're safe and sound asap.
Highlights:
meeting a bear-like but clearly shellshocked Dang65 for the first time;
mashed, but still breathtaking Amazonian Louche arguing the toss about Bret Easton Ellis with me and VP - making up in volume and repetition any shortcomings in coherence or subtlety;
comparing rings with the delightful Astromariner;
spirited discussion pre-Glossoposse with the excellent Stevie of X et al;
Raz getting breathy about Canal Street.
Lowlights:
teh bar "service" in teh Simple & 40 minute waits for much needed chipes;
not getting nearly enough time to talk to everyone;
fits of narcolepsy in the bar me, PTIYPASI, Bamba, Patrick and Vogon went to after Simple;
Louche being so caned upon arrival at Simple I doubt she'll remember either detail or outline of any of what we talked about
quote:Originally posted by ben: Hope everyone got back to reality without injury or distress - especially Bamba: what happened to you, man? We did two sweeps of the place and you seemed to have vanished without a trace. Queer were looks I got as I spent several minutes bellowing Bambaaa at the looked stall in the toilets there. We assumed you must have either got chucked out or - who knows? - got lucky, but it would be good to hear you're safe and sound asap.
Um, yeah, I should probably have warned you all about that. There's a section of my brain that sits soberly watching my drunken antics, untouched by the intoxication that runs rampant around the rest of my mind and body. When it judges that I've reached my limit of boozing it assumes control of my body and propels me, without a word to anyone around, to whatever bed I'm sleeping in that particular night leaving me with little memory of my departure. It serves it's purpose in keeping me (mostly) out of trouble but the downside is what you experienced: confusion on the part of whomever's with me at the time. I'm very, very sorry that you wasted your time looking for me when I was already long gone by that time. Everyone that knows me is well used to this behaviour but I forgot that it's be a new experience to you folks.
Anyway, that aside, I had an utterly fucking fantastic time. Not that I didn't expect to enjoy it you understand but I wasn't prepared for quite that level of bliss. Manchester itself seems like a really nice place (although I'm easily pleased to be fair) and everyone I met totally ruled. It was nice to get a chance to properly talk to Ben, who played more of a cameo role in my previous meat experience, and the lovely VP continues to be, well, lovely. Who else? The very sweet Sidney who once again threatened to come to Glasgow and see me and Astro some day, Astro herself who was everything I'd imagined she would be (in a good way), Raz who now actually occupies a space in my conscious memory unlike before, Ringo sporting yet another dazzling shirt and the endearingly paralytic Ubertrick. Other gr9 stuff:
The weather was fantastic all day which added to the holiday atmosphere. It also apears that Manchester is entirely populated by stunningly attractive and skimpily dressed women. Bonus points for that.
Displaying my 1337 bar skills by not only consistently getting served faster than everyone else but apparently accidentally convincing one of the barstaff to give Raz a free beer.
Manchester I now know is home to the finest kebabs known to man. So much so that I actually ate this one rather than taking the more traditional route of rubbing it all over my face and clothes before passing out. Aside from the whole nan-bread things which is a winner in itself, the friendly kebab merchant seemes to apply a multitude of bizarre yet scrumptious sauces and oils. I've absolutely no idea what ended up on it (can anyone help with this?) but fuck me was it good.
The service in Simple was, as Ben said, shit and the only beer they had on tap was the vile Wifebeater but these are minor moans. I did feel sorry for Patrick as he had to listen to descriptions and chate about things that would have made no sense to him at all. Also, did Uber turn up again eventually? I can't remember if Lucid et all actually managed to track her down before they had to go home. The only really shitty thing was the scant amount of time between the BBQ posse actually turning up at the bar and the time they had to go home again. This robbed me of the chance to speak to Louche (and others of course) but quite frankly she terrified me in her intoxicated state. Hopefully I'll have a chance to make up for that at a later date. If I didn't mention you above it's for no other reason than because I need to end this post at some point or I' could go on all night. Rest assured that everybody there was fantastic.
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I feel that massive shout out's need to be shouted int he direction of Lucy and Maim's, not merely for providing more than adequate shelter, but also proving themselves to be incredibly hardcore and fantastic people and incredibly generous hosts. Imagine the shame, therefore, that I feel about the shocking state in which we left their house earlier today. For this I can merely apologise and promise it wont happen next time. There will be a next time wont there?
Everyone else was axcellent, especially Raz who I spoke to properly for the first time and Astra who is immeasurably sweet and cool.
That is all I can muster now I'm afraid. I feel somewhat... drained..
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WARNING: VERY LONG POST TO FOLLOW. I have returned from the north and am awaiting the imminent arrival of my week long hangover that I so deserve. Ben, sorry I didn't get to speak to you at all, also, Bamba - did I really not speak to you again? Are we destined to go to meats and not meat forever? So apologies to those I didn't get to speak to and those who I did, especially dang who I fear I may have been rude to unintentionally.
It was a sorry but happy and mildly embarrassed tribe of people who gathered around Lucid and Memes garden table this morning. Some had had more sleep than others, some had had none, and a few of us merely drifted in and out of conciousness rather than actually sleeping. Using our combined patchy memories of various points of last night we managed to quilt together a fairly accurate idea of what happened but I have to confess to spectacular levels of drunkeness (lol - in case no one had noticed!). I must learn that just because I don't smoke anymore doesn't mean that I have to down my drinks twice as fast as anyone else.
So to make up for any shame on my part which I cannot remember as yet I am going to share with you my favourite poem (its a long one though) which a mashed Astro and I tried to recite at 5am whilst overlooking the most beautiful reservoir surrounded by hills and a pink tinged sky whilst sharing a bottle of Freixenet which was produced by Memes and Lucid once we reached this amazing haven. (Seriously, their hospitality is faultless - even the coffee comes with a shot of Baileys!)
quote:Let us go then, you and I When the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherised upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question... Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?' Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go Talking of Michelangelo
The the yellow fog that rubs it back upon the windowpanes, The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the windowpanes Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening, Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains, Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys, Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, And seeing that it was a soft October night, Curled once about the house and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be a time For the yellow smoke that slides along the street Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; There will be time, there will be time To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet; There will be time to murder and create, And time for all the works and days of hands That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me, And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea.
In the room the women come and go Talking of Michelangelo.
And indeed there will be time To wonder, 'Do I dare?' and, 'Do I dare?' Time to turn back and descend the stair, With a bald spot in the middle of my hair - [They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!'] My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin, My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin - [They will say: 'But how his arms and legs are thin!'] Do I dare Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all - Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffe spoons; I know the voices dying with a dying fall beneath the music from a farther room. So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all - The eyes that fix you in a forumulated phrase, And when I am forumlated, sprawling on a pin, When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, Then how should I begin To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? And how should I presume?
And I have known the arms already, known them all - Arms that are braceleted and white and bare [But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!] Is it perfume from a dress That makes me so digress? Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl. And should I then presume? And how should I begin?
......
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning our of windows?... I should have been a pair of ragged claws Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
......
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! Smoothed by long fingers, Asleep... tired... or it malingers, Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me. Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed, Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] bought in upon a platter, I am not prophet - and here's no great matter; I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, And in short, I was afraid.
And would it have been worth it, after all, After the cups, the marmalade, the tea, Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me, Would it have been worth while, To have bitten off the matter with a smile, To have squeezed the universe into a ball To roll it toward some overwhelming question, To say: 'I am Lazarus, come from the dead, Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all' - If one, settling a pillow by her head, Should say: 'That is not what I meant at all. That is not it, at all.'
And would it have been worth it, after all, Would it have been worth while, After sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets, After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor - And this, and so much more? - It is impossible to say just what I mean! But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen: Would it have been worth while If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl, And turning toward the window, should say: 'That is not it at all, That is not what I meant, at all.'
.....
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be; Am an attendant lord, one that will do To swell a progress, start a scene or two, Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool, Deferential, glad to be of use, Politic, cautious, and meticulous; Full of his sentence, but a bit obtuse; At times, indeed, almost ridiculous - Almost, at times, the Fool.
I grow old... I grow old... I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves Combing the white hair of the waves blown back When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
Thanks again to the wonderful Lucid and Memes who's hospitality will take some rivalling; to the lovely Astromariner for walking and talking nonsense with me; to the ever lovely Sidney for looking after me and listening to my drunken ramblings; to Louche for driving us to and from the station and for being very nice and not scary at all apart from when shouting at other drivers; thanks to the wonderful Stevie X; the scared dang; the ever patient and smiling PTIYPASI; to one and to all; to the Glossop posse. PARTY ON.
Edit to add: Having just seen Bamba's post it would seem that he was recipient to one of my drunken ramblings. Phew. At least I can feel that we have finally met. Next step will be for me to remember it next time! /
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: also, Bamba - did I really not speak to you again? Are we destined to go to meats and not meat forever?
We did kind of speak but you were really beyond any kind of proper conversation at that point. You were very sweet if that helps, just also very drunk.
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I’ll chime in this time, instead of my usual voyeurism.
It was absolutely awesome seeing everyone there – as always, you are a great bunch of folk to share a bevy with.
This was lovely: Everyone being in the bar around the corner from me Meeting the people I got a chance to have a good parley with. You all rock. Stevie, excellent to meet you, as I thought it would be. Uber – lovely to see you for the (too) short time I did. Louche – you’ll have to make good on that pint you promised me. Bamba – holy shit, that was one disappearing act! Glad you’re ok. Miffy – hope you took the ears off before you went to bed. Dang – hope you had a goodun! VP – I shall let you know if I decide to venture out to NZ. Ben & Co – good to see you again, but Patrick looks nothing like his photo.
This utterly sucked: All of you Glossop-sleeping buggers disappearing on me! I was looking forward to having a good chinwag with rest of you, but I turn my back for 5 minutes and you’ve all vanished. You shits.
Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
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Firstly, thanks to Lucid and Memes who provided tasty food, beers, and good company, and were just generally excellent (and patient) hosts. Thanks for letting us stay in your house.
It was brilliant to meet those of you who made it to Simple - though there did not seem to be nearly as much time to gibber senselessly at people as I would have liked. I was thoroughly over-excited to meet Vogon(unfeasibly attractive and witty: hateful cow), Bamba(cheerfully abusive as ever), Dang(looked as bewildered as I was: phew), Stevie(rock star tresses) PTIYPASI(who listened indulgently to pointless ranting), ben (who, upon arriving, I pointed at and shouted “I know who you are”, in manner of weirdy freak head), ben's brother Patrick (who listened indulgently to pointless ranting). Apologies to all.
I also need to apologise to lovely Ringo of the well-coiffed hair for keeping him awake with my incessant chatter whilst he was trying to get some much needed shut-eye, but who was far too polite and kind to just tell me to fuck off. Uber was a delightfully glamorous early morning trekking buddy, stuggling gamely up rocky edifices, barelegged in a tiny denim skirt and black suede slouch boots. NWOD made me laugh until my stomach hurt, Miffy made me want to be 20 and look like her. Louche was both marvellous and magnificent. Sidney was the very epitome of cool, although she did feed me salty tea. (- 1 point). Raz spent a lot of time making me fetch things for him and telling me to shut up for no reason, but made me a very satisfactory cup of tea with exactly the right amount of milk and sugar (+1 point).
I haven’t had any sleep since 8.30 yesterday morning so I think it’s best I head bedwards now. But I very much enjoyed meeting all of you internet freaks: let’s do it again soon.
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quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: One can only assume that a camera was taken to this event ?
Actually, unless I was so drunk as to be completely oblivious, I don't think there were any photographs taken. Obviously, unlike all those decadent and overpaid Southerners, we can't afford such fancy gadgets as cameras.
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I want to hear more about drunk Louche. In fact - I had a dream about drunk Louche last night. Also I want to hear more abotu Dang. Was he everything I hoped he would be?
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I was in Dorset, visiting my parents. The "highlight" of my weekend was my mum asking in a disbelieving tone "are you upbeat about the way things are going?".
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i decided not to spend yet another weekend on a motorway, however. also, i wouldn't have been much company as i only got 3 hours sleep on friday, and as a result went for a "lie-down" at 6pm on saturday evening, and woke up at 7am on sunday!
that's never happened before. also i was lucky not to have had all my worldly possessions stolen as i left the patio door wide open...
please organise another northmeat so i can attend.
bamba - i totally understand your bed-ward moves. i have a very similar thing which kicks in. even if i'm staying with friends - i persuade/bully them to take me home. i am the ultimate party pooper .
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I'm glad I'm only being referred to as clearly shellshocked, scared, bewildered and slightly confused as it means that my attempts not to appear completely fucking terrified and without a clue what was going on at all were actually quite successful. I don't think I'm very good in these real life, actually talking to proper people situations. Oh, you guessed.
Right, other people, far more interesting. I was sober of course, so I saw the whole sordid evening through very different eyes. I mentioned to a couple of people at the time that this meat was like seeing a favourite novel which you've read many times suddenly turned into a film - with the casting completely wrong. So, the characters one had envisaged as brash and loud were in fact rather withdrawn and nervous, and the ones one expected to be quiet and reserved were speed-talking, free associating, street preachers.
No names, but decent, honest citizens every one. I think many will have found StevieX to be a revelation? Well, I did. Lovely chap, centre of attention, deserves to have a photo of his hair put up here for all to gasp at and admire.
Some people's posting style suddenly makes complete sense once you meet them. Louche, who I only spoke to for about 30 seconds, will be read in a different voice in my head from now on. Ben speaks like an elongated, high speed version of his own posts. Was a pleasure to meet him, though I felt sorry for his brother who obviously knows the area well and was desperate to take us to some proper, cool places but was ignored at every attempt.
One excellent advantage of drunk people is that they make no attempt whatsoever to appear interested in what you're saying. I can clearly remember speaking to StevieX and Uber and watching both of them glaze over in the most blatantly bored fashion. Perhaps that's what you meant by being rude to me Uber? If so, noooooo, it was one of the evening's highlights!
Lucid and Mrs Lucid have already been praised for looking after everyone at their house, but it should also be mentioned that they did the same at the pub, keeping the chat going, smiling when there was frankly nothing to smile about and collecting everyone up at the end to get the train home (how the hell did you manage to pull that one off successfully?? It was like trying to round up a swarm of house flies with an egg cup.)
PTIYPASI and Bamba were fine and decent company and we even had something of a proper conversation at one point. Very worrying. Raz is one of those people who completely suit being pissed, like Lance Percival in Carry On Cruising. He was ace, and so were Mike Teevee and Astro who was doing almost as good a job of being nervous as me.
And I've missed some people which does not mean they weren't lovely but that this post is way too long already, but, the really funny bit of the evening was nothing to do with us. I'm going to note it down for use in one of those sitcoms I'm never going to write:
This bar had a big front window with some people standing outside and some at tables inside. At one of these tables sat a crowd of people and one of the girls facing the window was trying to get a cigarette off one of her mates. To make herself understood she was making the sign of holding a cigarette - the V sign, that most insulting of gestures to any self-respecting Englishman. And there was a self-respecting Englishman standing outside. He stormed into the bar shouting, "Are you doing that to me? Are you fucking doing that to me?" It was an excellent piece of improvised slapstick from someone who was clearly a raving psychopath, perhaps hired by the Corporation of Manchester to delight visiting drinkers. I don't know.
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100% prime cuts of hand-reared meaty goodness served up by a jolly village butcher (don't you think Ben would make a good family butcher?)
I won't dwell on the rage-inducing service at the wanky bar, or the gayness of the "last train home" girls.
I will linger lovingly on the pant-wetting excitement of seeing StevieX, Dang65, Louche, Astromariner, Lucid etc unmasked and real!1!
Sorry I only spoke approx four words to Sidney, NWOD and Ringo. But you were cruelly taken away from us! Also I told Raz he was too drunk and I wouldn't buy him a drink "for his own good". I wish he had glassed me for saying that.
I think I was actually fairly sober, considering I'd only eaten a banana, some crisps, a Subway and a small bowl of chips all day. Therefore, the rocking inteleckchull debate I was having with Louche and Ben re the dull and overrated Bret Easton Ellis must have been shit-sizzling hot and clever. When I said I liked Astro's green necklace and Louche's saucepot glasses, this was actually THE TRUTH.
I forgot to take any pictures until the hardcore meaters were in the last bar. I believe I have one of Ben in old-man-asleep-sitting-up pose, one of Ben's brother plus PIYPASI and one of me and Pipey, in which I'm fairly confident my eyes were shut and my gob open.
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Darryn - oh yeah, several cameras there. Just didn't see one being used. Mine never came out of its protective pouch... damn. Can't believe Bamba's disingenuity though - the guy was dripping with more gadgetry than you could shake a shitty stick at...
Well, holy cow, that was fun. As a meat virgin, I will confess a level of nerves more normally experienced on a first date. Overwhelmingly, people were lovely, charming and it was most excellent to finally put some names and faces together. Time to comment, then!
In (rough/approx) order of meeting:
VP, you were like your photo come to life, but sorry if you initially thought that I was an axe moiderer.
PTIYPASI a charming and understated drinking companion (I was in full-tilt "hind legs off a donkey" mode, my default position when nervous), even though I couldn't persuade you to try even a sip of Manchester's finest ale...
Bamba, Ben, Vogon (again), not to forget Patrick - the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Thanks for putting me at my ease; I'd have loved to join you all for cocktails instead of running Cinderella-like to Piccadilly.
Ringo, who is now my "Ford-Buddy", probably surprised me most of everyone, on account of sheer laid-backness, while I am endeavouring to get a Ritalin script sorted for the slightly overwhelming, but lovely NWOD. Carter? Miffysocks was a hoot - I loved the ears.
Lucid and Memes; were both thoroughly sweet and generous.
Uber was lovely beyond all expectation, and I was delighted to eventually make the acquaintance of Rax.
The prize for "not at all what I thought he'd be like" must go to Dang - about twice as tall and umpteen times more mellow than I suspected.
Inevitably, there's a list of people who I would have loved to have chatted with more, but really got not much further than a basic exchange of pleasantries. This is of course a good reason to do something like this again soon! So Astro, we'll talk about bees sometime in the future I hope. As for Louche, I'm glad that you haven't (as far as I know) seen my butt... Sidney, who I've now managed to avoid in both the city of my birth and the city I call home. I don't think I've missed anyone, but apologies if I have.
It would have been great had the Glossop crowd not had to leave so early, and my personal disappointment was the absence of Mart and Gree, but if this sets the standard for future Northmeats then I think that it can be considered a great success.
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not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
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Cheers for that Thorn, I was feeling quite sad that I never tried to chat VP up at the meet, but having seen that.. well now I'm thinking "yeah but sometimes she looks like that"
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Sorry Ringo that all I said to you was, "did you enjoy driving up here?" Just think of all the interesting things we might have talked about.
I believe the last thing I said/vodka-leery yelled at Dang was, "stop with the East Enders shit!" but Thorn told me to say that so it's his fault.
Next time should be held in a quiet friendly pub, to last all afternoon and evening, with nobody being allowed to leave. Get fucking organising then!
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
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VP - did I not speak to you at all apart from a drunken wave hello when we arrived? I feel this is the case but if so then you had a lucky escape as you have many times witnessed my drunk babbling!
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