I've just signed up for Amazons dvd rental thing and only managed to add 9 titles this morning. Can you recommend some movies that you think I should see before I die. Preferrably with a link to amazon.
White Heat Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I would recommend adding everything wot Kubrick done, that you haven't seen. Everything he touches is just golden and worth watching. I saw Barry Lyndon for the first time this weekend, and it was absolutely incredible. Every single shot of the film was beautiful, every moment perfectly pitched. It's basically film about how this Irish dude infiltrates English society and RUINS EVERYTHING because the Irish are a bunch of money grubbing, potato-faced bog trotting jerks with no regard for anyone but themselves and no skill at anything except lying and self-preservation.
So yeah. Apart from the entire Kubrick... have you ever seen Seven Samurai? That's a definite 'watch before you die' movie. For some reason it always gets lumped into lists of dreary classics that noone can be fucked to sit through, but it's actually incredibly fast paced, very funny and at least as exciting as Raiders of the Lost Ark. It is three hours long - but that's only 20 minutes longer than DaVinci code, and it's really watchable all the way through.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Wages of Fear Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Yellowbeard - Carry On film, but made by the Pythons + Peter Cook + Marty Feldman + Cheech & Chong. Lots of people think it's crap, but they haven't got a fucking clue so ignore them.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Les 400 Coups Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
battle of algiers brick pretty persuasion lone wolf and cub wu tang live on stage (whatever its called) metropolis that mountain man film with robert redford.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Hamlet Gets Business ...anything by Aki Kaurismaki, actually.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Good recommendation from dang, and that reminded me of Young Frankenstein Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Michael Haneke's Funny Games.
quote: Two psychotic young men take a mother, father, and son hostage in their vacation cabin and force them to play sadistic "games" with one another for their own amusement.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
ghost in the shell Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Funny Games has been sitting in my Amazon basket for a while, although I haven't pressed the go button yet. It does look OK, though.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I was going to say Dr. Strangelove, but that's already been covered.
La Haine Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Funny Games has been sitting in my Amazon basket for a while, although I haven't pressed the go button yet. It does look OK, though.
It's a really horrible depressing movie. But, at least it's not bland.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
La Haine
La Haine rocks.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
scanners + videodrome (double bill)
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
The Taking of Pelham 123 Millers crossing the thing the scarecrow the passenger
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
The Burning Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Chopper Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
on that link to the burning there are some more interesting films listed - Cannibal Holocaust, The Beyond, Zombie Flesh Eaters and The House By the Cemetary are probably must-see if you want to get an overview of sleazy Euro-horror, but then, you know, few people do. Few people do.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Bad Taste Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
The Club Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I Spit on Your Grave Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
The Vanishing (original version - Spoorloos)
quote: With very little violence and no gore, Spoorloos was able to leave the viewer in a truly depressing state.
[ 08.05.2007, 06:32: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: no, not The Burning. I mean, it's alright but it's hardly 'must see'.
Hmmm... not even as a companion piece to the more popular shockers of the 80s?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Probably my favourite film of all time is Ed Wood, although somehow I couldn't justify it as a 'must see' (not that anyone else has bothered) without lapsing into unconvincing cliches (beautifully written, superbly acted etc), and as ben told me I sound like Paul Ross when I talk about film I don't want to mar this film with inadequate ramblings. But it really is great.
[ 08.05.2007, 06:30: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Probably my favourite film of all time is Ed Wood
Nowadays, no-one gives two fucks for Bela! Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I couldn't justify it as a 'must see' (not that anyone else has bothered)
Check the thread title, duder. And jump in.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask:
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: no, not The Burning. I mean, it's alright but it's hardly 'must see'.
Hmmm... not even as a companion piece to the more popular shockers of the 80s?
I suppose it fits in, but then so do loads of other slashers.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Hmmm... not even as a companion piece to the more popular shockers of the 80s?
For christ's sake man, it's 'films you must see before you die'. Why the fuck would you choose to watch an uninteresting film that acts as a footnote to a sub-genre that's a moderately interesting footnote to the horror genre, which is a genuinely interesting footnote to cinema?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Emmanuelle Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Led Zeppelin DVD - for the first disc Albert Hall 1969 show. Truly and totally mindblowing, with superb visuals and sound.
Stop Making Sense - hard to believe that no other bands at all seem to have taken inspiration from this when making their own dull and unimaginitive concert films. Pure entertainment start to finish. Should have some sort of Standards Kite Mark attached to it for all others to follow.
The Last Waltz - the glorious end of an old time band. A documentary but with loads of joyful live performances along the way from loads of old grandads (who were only about 30 at the time mind).
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I would disagree that horror is a 'footnote'. It's one of the primary languages.
[ 08.05.2007, 06:36: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
The Virgin Spring Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I would disagree that horror is a 'footnote'. It's one of the primary languages.
That may be so, but that would ruin the symmetry of the sentence.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I'm a member of Lovefilm. For interested readers, here's my current list:
The Beast Beast Cops Blade Runner Bring Me The... Alfredo Garcia Brood, The - US Version Call of Duty 2 Cannibal Apocalypse Cat O'Nine Tails Coffee And Cigarettes Coffy The Conversation Cube King Of New York Napoleon Dynamite Our Man In Havana Princess Mononoke Pumpkinhead Repo Man Return Of The Living Dead Return Of The... Dead 2 Ridge Racer VI Rosetta Safe Santa Sangre - Feature Silent Hill Viva Piñata 2000 Maniacs 2046 Across 110th Street Autumn Sonata Babycart At... River Styx The Bad Sleep Well Before Sunrise Biggie And Tupac Bloody Moon Buffalo Soldiers Cabin Fever Capote Chinatown Cross Of Iron Death Trap Demons The Devil's Backbone Fahrenheit 451 Gohatto Grave Of... Fireflies - Feature Hero Hiruko The Goblin I'm Not Scared La Dolce Vita M.A.S.H. - Disc 1 Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence Silent Night, Bloody Night Solaris Team America... World Police The Testament... Dr Mabuse A Short... About Killing A Snake Of June Appleseed - Feature Azumanga Daioh - Vol. 1 Babycart - White Heaven In Hell Beneath The Valley... Ultra Vixens Bill Hicks - Totally Blow Up Body Melt Brighton Rock Bus 174 The City Of Lost Children Corporation, The - Feature Day The Earth... The - Feature Dazed And Confused Dead And Buried - Feature Death And The Compass Demons 2 Elling The Entity Evil Dead Trap Evil Dead Trap 2 Festen Floating Weeds Freeway French Connection - Feature Garden State Gundam Wing... Shooting Stars Hard Boiled The Harder They Come The Hills Have Eyes Hostel The House Of Clocks House Of Flying Daggers I Heart Huckabees I'm Gonna Git You Sucka Into The Mirror - Feature The Iron Giant Kagemusha Kikujiro The Killer Kings And Queen Kung Fu Hustle L A Blue... Returns - Vol. 1 The Last Great Wilderness Lolita Lolita M - Feature The Machinist Malice @ Doll Maltese Falcon, The - Feature Man Who Fell... The - Feature The Man Without A Past Manhattan Memories Of Murder Menace II Society Metropolis Metropolis - Disc 1 The Motorcycle Diaries Natural Born Killers Night And The City Night On Earth Ninja Scroll... Series - Vol. 1 Notorious One Flew... The Cuckoo's Nest Out Of Sight Paths Of Glory Persona The Phantom Of The Opera Pixies - Pixies Rainy Dog Rashomon The Realm Of The Senses Rear Window Save The... Planet - Feature Seven Samurai The Seventh Seal Sideways Silent Running Spongebob Squarepants... The Movie Stalker Third Man, The - Feature Three Kings Throne Of Blood Tokyo Drifter Tokyo Fist Tombs Of The Blind Dead Vertigo Wild Strawberries Zombie Holocaust
I've seen some of these since I made it, and a couple are re-watching old classics.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Salo -120 days of Sodom. Brr.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Night of the Hunter Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
The Devil and Daniel Webster Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Suspiria
I'll stop for a bit now.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Fucking Amal Three Kings The Big Blue Life of Brian Donnie Darko Animal House Layer Cake Usual Suspects Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
"You could see one side of the bus. Only half. Fifty per cent."
"If I was with a man you'd think I was gay!"
"Kooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Let There Be Rock Despite the cover picture this is a Bon-era gig. Top.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I'm a member of Lovefilm. For interested readers, here's my current list:
Call of Duty 2 Ridge Racer VI Gundam Wing... Shooting Stars
Ummm... aren't these computer games?
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Let There Be Rock Despite the cover picture this is a Bon-era gig. Top.
Fuck yeah! Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: Ummm... aren't these computer games?
first two are. So is Viva Pinata.
[ 08.05.2007, 07:01: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Goodfellas. Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by doc d: that mountain man film with robert redford.
Jeremiah Johnson. I thought I was the only person who ever saw this film. It's good.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote: Man, this movie is something. It's one of those movies where you watch it wondering if the cast and crew went home and had horrible nightmares every work day. There's stuff in this movie that doesn't quite leave your mind. I've shown this movie to several people, one in particular swearing off Chinese food to this very day.
quote: This film is an endurance test for people who can't stand the following things, child violence and violence against women, cannibalism, extreme gore and rape.
Cat. III Hong Kong films are a bit of a nasty sub-sub genre, but if one film summed them up, it's that one. Along with the "Grim and sometimes barely watchable" Human Pork Chop. Only the former is a must-see though.
eta: The latter isn't on amazon.
[ 08.05.2007, 07:17: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Why the fuck would you choose to watch an uninteresting film ..?
I haven't seen it in ages.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
"You're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if hear any more shit outta you I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there."
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
yeah midnight run is a good one.
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
django once upon a time in the west
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Amelie Fargo O Brother Where art thou?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Brief Encounter Back to the Future Bareback Mounting
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
okie noodling girls gone grabblin'
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I fucking hate Brief Encounter. I know one of the most common criticisms leveled at the story revolves around the question of why these (not particularly religious) characters don't just go ahead and bang each other senseless if their passion is so strong, but for me the central flaw is the fact that Trevor Howard doesn't just, you know, push Celia Johnson in front of a steam train for being the most irritating person on the entire planet.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I used to always recommend this one to people, but I only ever saw it once and that was so long ago that it's all gone a bit dim and don't really feel safe suggesting it any more. Is it as good as ever?
(The Land Rover on a winch scene is still in my head mind you.)
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I fucking love Brief Encounter, and the reason they don't do the deed is because they are genteel, and nice folks didn't do that sort of thing, thank you very much.
Her voice is pretty annoying, I'll grant you.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
And because the concept of duty was right strong in Celia, and she had that nice husband at home who kind of knew but didn't like to say, and it's all repressed and unspoken, and gets me bawling my eyes out every time.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I used to always recommend this one to people, but I only ever saw it once and that was so long ago that it's all gone a bit dim and don't really feel safe suggesting it any more. Is it as good as ever?
(The Land Rover on a winch scene is still in my head mind you.)
It's not that good no - the novely wears off pretty quickly, the ramped sped up benny hill stuff is fun for a bit, the dubbing is terrible, the etc zzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
ALEC: Can I help you?
LAURA: I've gort something in my eye.
ALEC: I happen to be a Doctor.
LAURA: Thaink you.
ALEC POKES HIS FINGER IN HER EYE.
ALEC: There.
LAURA: Oh you are marvelous.
ALEC: Don’t mention it.
LAURA: Simply marvellous.
ALEC: Please, it's no bother.
LAURA: I think you're just quite simply the most –
ALEC: [FROWNS] You must hush now.
LAURA: I shan't. Not until I've thainked you.
ALEC: Shut up.
A TRAIN WHISTLE SOUNDS. THE EXPRESS THUNDERS INTO VIEW.
LAURA: Simply....marveleous.
ALEC: Goodbye.
LAURA: Stay...you're just so marvellous. I think...I think...
THE TRAIN THUNDERS INTO THE STATION.
COCKERNY: Express passing through. Stand back.
LAURA: I think....you're simply...I must say...I think...
ALEC PUSHES LAURA IN FRONT OF THE TRAIN. SHE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE. ALEC TIPS HIS HAT.
ALEC: Now try pulling your eyelid down...and then blowing your nose. Christ.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
We should probably have a thread where we re-write classic movies to 'improve' them really.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL? HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you. Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL. HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. Dave Bowman: What's the problem? HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL? HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it. Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL? HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. Dave Bowman: Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL? HAL: Dave, although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move. DAVE PUSHES HAL IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HAL SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
LOL 9000.
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
Harry: "I know what you're thinking,Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell the truth, in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question. 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?"
Train appears in distance
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
fuxxache
[ 08.05.2007, 08:44: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Kay Adams: Michael, you never told me your family knew Johnny Fontane! Michael: Oh sure, you want to meet him? Kay Adams: Yeah! Michael: You know, my father helped Johnny in his career. Kay Adams: Really? How? Michael: ...Let's listen to this song. Kay Adams: [after listening to Johnny for a while] Please, Michael. Tell me. Michael: ...Well when Johnny was first starting out, he was signed to this contract with a big-band leader. And as his career got better and better he wanted to get out of it. Now, Johnny is my father's godson. My father went to see the bandleader, with a contract for $10,000 to let Johnny go, but the bandleader said no. So the next day, my father went to see the bandleader again, only this time with Luca Brasi. Within an hour, the bandleader signed the release, with a certified check of $1000. Kay Adams: How did he do that? Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse. Kay Adams: What was it? Michael: Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured the bandleader, that either his signature or his brains would be on the contract. Kay Adams: ... Michael: ...That's a true story. [cut to Johnny singing again for about 10 more seconds before going back to Michael] Michael: That's my family Kay, it's not me. MICHAEL PUSHES KAY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. KAY SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Oskar Schindler: The unconditional surrender of Germany has just been announced. At midnight tonight, the war is over. Tomorrow you'll begin the process of looking for survivors of your families. In most cases... you won't find them. After six long years of murder, victims are being mourned throughout the world. We've survived. Many of you have come up to me and thanked me. Thank yourselves. Thank your fearless Stern, and others among you who worried about you and faced death at every moment. I am a member of the Nazi Party. I'm a munitions manufacturer. I'm a profiteer of slave labor. I am... a criminal. At midnight, you'll be free .....
(Train is heard in distance)
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Rick: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong. Ilsa: But, Richard, no, I... I... Rick: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louie? Captain Renault: I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist. Ilsa: You're saying this only to make me go. Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. Ilsa: But what about us? Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you. Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid. ILSA PUSHES RICK IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. RICK SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I think Alternabenway could make these fly.
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
Kurtz: I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. THE SNAIL PUSHES KURTZ IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. KURTZ SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
reedit
[ 08.05.2007, 08:53: Message edited by: doc d ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
For some reason, when I started reading that, I thought it was a re-working of Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS with RickJ written into it as a love interest.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by doc d: Kurtz: I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. KURTZ PUSHES THE SNAIL IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE SNAIL SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
LOL
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
A TRAIN THUNDERS TOWARDS DOCTOR OCTOPUS. RAISING HIS METAL ARMS, OCTOPUS PUSHES THE TRAIN IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE TRAIN SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
STAN LEE: Nuff said.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
VADER: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete.
VADER: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.
BEN: Only a master of evil, Darth.
VADER: Your powers are weak, old man.
BEN: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than….
VADER PUSHES BEN IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. BEN SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Ricki: It's turkey time. Larry Gigli: Huh? Ricki: Gobble, gobble.
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD PUSHES RICKI AND LARRY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. EVERYONE SCREAMS IN RELIEF AND DELIGHT BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: VADER: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete.
VADER: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.
BEN: Only a master of evil, Darth.
VADER: Your powers are weak, old man.
BEN: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than….
VADER PUSHES BEN IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. BEN SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
LOL!!!
ETA: someone should make a series of sketches out of these.
[ 08.05.2007, 08:57: Message edited by: Tilde ]
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Henry: "You're really funny. You're really funny." Tommy: "What do you mean I'm funny?" Henry: "It's funny, you know. It's a good story. It's funny. You're a funny guy." Tommy: "What do you mean? The way I talk?" Henry: "Its just, you know, you're just funny. You know, the way you tell the story and everything." Tommy: "Funny how? I mean, what's funny about it?" Anthony: "Tommy, you got it all wrong..." Tommy: "Whoa whoa whoa, Anthony, he's a big boy; he knows what he said. What'd you say? Funny how?" Henry: "It's... You know, you're funny." Tommy: "You mean-lemme understand this, cause I don't know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe. But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?" Henry: "It's just... You know, how you tell the story. What?" Tommy: "No, no, I don't know. You said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what's funny." Henry: "Get the fuck outta here. Tommy..." Tommy: "You motherfucker. I almost had him! I almost had him! You stutterin'... You stutterin' prick, ya. Frankie was he shakin?" HENRY PUSHES TOMMY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. TOMMY SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
[ 08.05.2007, 08:58: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
SPLAAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!
A SEAGULL PUSHES CHIEF BRODIE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. CHIEF BRODIE SCREAMS BUT A SORT OF GLUG GLUG GLUG SOUND DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Dr. Ian Malcolm: What is so great about discovery? It is a violent, penetrative act that scars what it explores. What you call discovery, I call the rape of the natural world.
DR IAN MALCOLM, BY WAY OF DEMONSTRATION, PUSHES THE NATURAL WORLD IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. IT SCREAMS, BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE. MALCOLM NODS, SATISFIED HIS POINT HAS BEEN MADE
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
Animal Mother: You a photographer? Private Joker: I'm a combat correspondent. Animal Mother: Well you seen much combat? Private Joker: I've seen a little on TV. Animal Mother: You're a real comedian. Private Joker: Well they call me the Joker. Animal Mother: Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole. Private Joker: Well pilgrim, only after you eat the peanuts out of my shit. Animal Mother: You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
PRIVATE JOKER PUSHES ANIMAL MOTHER IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. ANIMAL MOTHER SCREAMS...
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Raymond Dufayel: Voilà, ma petite Amélie, vous n'avez pas des os en verre. Vous pouvez vous cogner à la vie. Si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c'est votre cœur qui va devenir aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette. Alors, allez y, nom d'un chien!
RAYMOND POUSSE AMELIE DEVANT UN TRAIN. LES CRIS PERÇANTS D'AMELIE MAIS SIFFLENT SE NOIE HORS DU BRUIT.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
They're quite similar to Shipman M.E. episodes actually.
Episode 1: Go Fight City Hall – To the Death
A young woman is raped and strangled on a Los Angeles beach. Further down the coastline a young boy is shot and arrested for her murder. Shipman doesn't think that it would have been possible for the boy arrested to strangle the woman and decides that he is going to go out and begin a little investigation of his own. He visits City Hall, where the dead woman worked, to ask some questions and, after a little checking, murders everyone.
Episode 2. The Die Bone’s Connected to the Knee Bone
A thigh bone is found buried on the building site of a new student union building. Shipman is teaching a class at the university and soon involves himself and his students in finding out who the bone belonged to, how they died and possibly even who killed them. Not surprisingly Monaghan and Asten consider this a complete waste of time and want Shipman to get back to his job and stop bothering them. Shipman confronts them and murders them.
Episode 3. A Blow to the Head, A Blow to the Heart
After a championship bout a young boxer collapses and dies. His wife thinks that it wasn't an accident and asks Shipman, a friend of her husband's trainer and the coroner on call, to see if he can find out how he really died. Once Shimpan has completed the autopsy he begins to wonder if the woman is right, there is certainly something that does not seem to be quite right with the death, something that is made even more certain when Shipman is approached by 4 thugs who tell him in no uncertain terms that he better hurry up and make his report. Shipman retires to his boat and thinks about killing someone...but doesn't. Episode ends. TO BE CONTINUED!
Episode 4. A Blow to the Head, A Blow to the Heart PART II
After a montage of the goings on from PART I, Shipman wakes up on his boat then goes out and murders everyone.
[ 08.05.2007, 09:07: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Kyle Reese: Listen. And understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are de-.
SARAH CONNOR TURNS AND PUSHES THE TERMINATOR IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. IT SCREAMS, BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
lol
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Bennett: John! How's your arm John? Matrix: [hidden behind a wall] Come over and find out! Bennett: No thanks, I think I'll take a pass. John, stick your head out, one shot, right between the eyes, I'll make it quick, just for old time sake. Matrix: Bennett, stop screwing around and let the girl go, Its me that you want, I only have one arm, you can beat me! [Bennett laughs] Matrix: [Comes out from hidden place] Come on Bennett, throw away the chicken shit gun, you don't just want to pull the trigger, you want to put the knife in me, and look me in the eye, and see whats going on in there when you turn it, thats what you want to do, right? Bennett: I can kill you John! Matrix: Come on, let the girl go, just between you and me, don't deprive yourself of some pleasure, come on Bennett, lets party! Bennett: I can beat you, I don't need the girl hahah, I DON'T NEED THE GIRL! [throws Jenny away] Bennett: I don't need the gun John. I can beat you. I DON'T NEED NO GUN! [Pulls out his knife] Bennett: AND I'LL KILL YOU NOW! JENNY PUSHES BENNETT IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. I SCREAM BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Lol. Top thread.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: Raymond Dufayel: Voilà, ma petite Amélie, vous n'avez pas des os en verre. Vous pouvez vous cogner à la vie. Si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c'est votre cœur qui va devenir aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette. Alors, allez y, nom d'un chien!
RAYMOND POUSSE AMELIE DEVANT UN TRAIN. LES CRIS PERÇANTS D'AMELIE MAIS SIFFLENT SE NOIE HORS DU BRUIT.
Les LOLs
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Gene Kelly: Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo... I'm singing in the rain... A POLICEMAN PUSHES KELLY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Nice Guy Eddie: C'mon, throw in a buck!
Mr. Pink: Uh-uh, I don't tip.
Nice Guy Eddie: You don't tip?
Mr. Pink: Nah, I don't believe in it.
Nice Guy Eddie: You don't believe in tipping?
Mr. Blue: You know what these chicks make? They make shit.
Mr. Pink: Don't give me that. She don't make enough money that she can quit.
Nice Guy Eddie: I don't even know a fucking Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight: you don't ever tip?
Mr. Pink: I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job.
FEMINISTS THROW MR. BLUE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN FOR USING THE TERM 'CHICK'. 'THE JEWS' THROW NICE GUY EDDIE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN FOR BEING ANTI-SEMETIC. WAITRESS POURS POT OF SCALDING COFFEE ON MR. PINK. Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
Commoner: Well, men are only men. That's why they lie. They can't tell the truth, even to themselves. Priest: That may be true. Because men are weak, they lie to deceive themselves. Commoner: Not another sermon! I don't mind a lie if it's interesting.
THE PRIEST PUSHES THE COMMONER IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE COMMONER SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: Gene Kelly: Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo... I'm singing in the rain... A POLICEMAN PUSHES KELLY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
I'd really like to see this one.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Jenny Agutter and some other children run towards the train, waving at the Old Gentleman...
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Jenny Agutter and some other children run towards the train, waving at the Old Gentleman...
Damn you Jones! Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Augusto Odone: When we first went to the Comoros, what did we do? We got to know the country, right? Michaela Odone: Yes Augusto Odone: We studied, we got to know the language, resources, its law. We studied, right? We should threat Lorenzo's illness like another country. Michaela Odone: I don't quite see the analogy. Augusto Odone: All right, all right. ALD has many dimensions, right? Michaela Odone: Yes Augusto Odone: So, in order to understand it, we need to command genetics, biochemistry, microbiology, neurology, ology-ology. Michaela Odone: Augusto, we don't have time to go to medical school. Augusto Odone: Michaela, the doctors are in the dark. They're groping in the dark. The've got Lorenzo on a turvy-topsy diet. And that bloody immunosuppression is brutal and useless. Michaela, we should not have consigned him blindly into their hands. He should not suffer by our ignorance. We take responsibility. So... we read a little. And we go out and inform ourselves. Michaela Odone: But... to miss time with him while he can still speak to us... Augusto Odone: Yes, I know, I know. But he expects it of us. MICHAELA PUSHES LORENZO IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. LORENZO IS TOO WEAK TO SCREAM BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE FLUBBADA-FLUBBADA-FLUBBADA NOISE.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
LOLBM - sick fuck
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Rocky Dennis: What's his problem, Ma? Rusty Dennis: Nothing. He's just another asshole. You let that negative dreck in and it'll put ya away. You can be a chicken shit and die or be a mensch and keep makin' yourself well. ROCKY PUSHES RUSTY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE TRAIN TAKES ONE LOOK AT ROCKY AND SCREAMS.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
FROM SIXTH SENSE
MALCOLM Can you do something for me?
MALCOLM Think about what you want from our time together. What our goal should be?
COLE Something I want?
MALCOLM If we could change something in your life, anything at all, what would you like that to be?
MALCOLM You don't have to answer now.
COLE Instead of something I want, can I have something I don't want?
COLE I don't want to be scared anymore.
Cole's sad eyes stare up at Malcolm.
MALCOLM PUSHES COLE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Blake: These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. To you, these are gold; you do not get these. Because to give them to you would be throwing them away.
BLAKE LOOKS ROUND THE GATHERED SALESMEN. HE TAKES A SIDEWAYS STEP AWAY FROM THE PLATFORM
Blake: We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? [Holds up prize] Blake: Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
MOSS SHIFTS IN HIS SEAT. BLAKE TAKES A NERVOUS STEP AWAY FROM HIM. SWEATING, HE GLANCES UP AT THE DEPARTURE BOARD.
Blake: What's the problem, pal? Dave Moss: You - [correcting him] Dave Moss: Moss. You're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here wasting your time with such a bunch of bums? Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch? Dave Moss: Yeah. Blake: That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DELIVERING THIS SPEECH HE BACKS NERVOUSLY AWAY FROM MOSS, TRYING TO AVOID HIM, THE OTHER SALESPEOPLE, AND THE EDGE OF THE TRAIN PLATFORM INEXPLICABLY RUNNING THROUGH THE GLENN ROSS OFFICES. HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, THEN UP AT THE DEPARTURE BOARD.
Blake: Blake: A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing. That's it. Thanks and good night.
PANICKING HE TURNS AND RUNS FROM THE SALESMEN WHOSE LIVES HE HAS JUST RUINED. THEY REMAIN SEATED, SHELLSHOCKED. BLAKE FIRES ONE NERVOUS GLANCE OVER HIS SHOULDER AND LAUGHS, GLAD TO BE OUT OF THE SITUATION ALIVE. THEN HE TRIPS AND FALLS IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HE SCRREAMS, BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Joe Miller: What's wrong with your face? Andrew Beckett: I have AIDS.
JOE THROWS ANDREW BECKETT UNDER A TRAIN. ANDREW BECKETT SCREAMS BUT THE WHISTLE OF THE TRAIN DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: ROCKY PUSHES RUSTY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE TRAIN TAKES ONE LOOK AT ROCKY AND SCREAMS.
LOL.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: COLE I don't want to be scared anymore.
Cole's sad eyes stare up at Malcolm.
MALCOLM PUSHES COLE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
MALCOLM I see a dead person.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
WALLACE: Ooh, It's nice to put the old feet up after a long day, eh boy? A nice bit of cheese and a cup of tea.
GROMMIT: *scowls*
WALLACE: Fuck you then.
WALLACE KICKS GROMMIT IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. GROMMIT FRANTICALLY STARTS LAYING DOWN NEW TRACK FROM A BOX OF SPARE TRACK WHICH HYSTERICALLY NEVER SEEMS TO RUN OUT.
[This goes on for at least ten minutes - the equivalent of 5 years of "Claymation" labour.]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: WALLACE: Ooh, It's nice to put the old feet up after a long day, eh boy? A nice bit of cheese and a cup of tea.
GROMMIT: *scowls*
WALLACE: Fuck you then.
WALLACE KICKS GROMMIT IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. GROMMIT FRANTICALLY STARTS LAYING DOWN NEW TRACK FROM A BOX OF SPARE TRACK WHICH HYSTERICALLY NEVER SEEMS TO RUN OUT.
[This goes on for at least ten minutes - the equivalent of 5 years of "Claymation" labour.]
LOL
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: COLE I don't want to be scared anymore.
Cole's sad eyes stare up at Malcolm.
MALCOLM PUSHES COLE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. HE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
MALCOLM I see a dead person.
Ah, yeh missed that one, nice.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Carrie: I shouldn't have come to the church this morning. I'm sorry.
Charlie: No! Wait. It was all my fault. I mean, l'm the bastard here. And it sorted out one thing. Marriage and me were very clearly not meant for one another. It sorted out another big thing, too. There I was, standing there in the church, and for the first time in my whole life I realised I totally and utterly loved one person. And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. It's the person standing opposite me now in the rain.
Carrie: Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed.
CHARLIE PUSHES CARRIE IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. SHE SCREAMS BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
You lot are being geniusly good today. Excellent. I particularly liked Wallace and Gromit and the endless train track.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Jerry and Dorothy are in the elevator and a hearing impaired couple gets on. The man of the couple starts talking with his hands, then they get off
Jerry Maguire: I wonder what he just said.
Dorothy: My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He just said "Push me in front of a train."
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Ripley: Ash, can you hear me? ASH? Ash: Yes, I can hear you. Ripley: What was your special order? Ash: You read it. I thought it was clear. Ripley: What was it? Ash: Bring back life form. Priority One. All other priorities rescinded. Parker: It's the damn company. What about our lives, you son of a bitch? Ash: I repeat, all other priorities are rescinded. Ripley: How do we kill it Ash? There got to be a way of killing it, how - HOW do we do it? Ash: You can't. Parker: That's bullshit. Ash: You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility. Lambert: You admire it. Ash: I admire its purity. A survivor... unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality. Parker: Look, I am, I've heard enough of this, and I'm asking you to pull the plug. Ash: [Ripley goes to disconnect Ash, who interrupts] Last word. Ripley: What? Ash: I can't lie to you about your chances, but... you have my sympathies. RIPLEY PUSHES ASH IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. ASH SCREAMS, BUT HE'S IN SPACE SO NO-ONE CAN HEAR HIM.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
VADER There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.
LUKE I'll never join you!
VADER If you only knew the power of the dark side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
LUKE He told me enough! He told me you killed him.
VADER No. I am your father.
SHOCKED, LUKE LOOKS AT VADER IN UTTER DISBELIEF. LUKE PUSHES VADER IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. VADER SCREAMS 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' BUT A WHISTLE DROWNS OUT THE NOISE.
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
teacher: caspar, get down off them bloody goal posts
A KESTREL KNOCKS CASPAR OFF THE GOAL POSTS.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
Masked Killer: Do you like scary movies?
Drew Barrymore pushes masked killer in front of train, but they still make increasingly more outlandish Scream movies....
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Does anyone else find this 1000 [blank or blanks] to [blank] Before You Die trope a bit depressing. I mean, there are some good films out there, but if I only had a couple of thousand hours to live I sure as hell wouldn't waste it gawping at movies. Similarly, most of the other lists involving stuff you have to dutifully tick off before you depart this worldly plane seem to involve either wanking off dolphins or going to Niagara Falls with all the other dull old retired fuckers.
It's just dreadful. People should be avoiding checklists of approved activities - not playing catch-up with mythical golden couples who seem to have 'done it all'. It's all just aspirational wank intended to fill you with yearning for shit you have to shell out for.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
you forgot to push someone in front of a train, Ben...
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Does anyone else find this 1000 [blank or blanks] to [blank] Before You Die trope a bit depressing. I mean, there are some good films out there, but if I only had a couple of thousand hours to live I sure as hell wouldn't waste it gawping at movies. Similarly, most of the other lists involving stuff you have to dutifully tick off before you depart this worldly plane seem to involve either wanking off dolphins or going to Niagara Falls with all the other dull old retired fuckers.
It's just dreadful. People should be avoiding checklists of approved activities - not playing catch-up with mythical golden couples who seem to have 'done it all'. It's all just aspirational wank intended to fill you with yearning for shit you have to shell out for.
Cool. Is that from Fight Club?
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
or if you want to be clever -
Tyler Durden pushes himself infront of a train, but no one hears the scream over the twist ending
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: It's just dreadful. People should be avoiding checklists of approved activities - not playing catch-up with mythical golden couples who seem to have 'done it all'. It's all just aspirational wank intended to fill you with yearning for shit you have to shell out for.
True, but what else are you going to stick in your Sunday supplement when the article on "What's on Gordon Brown's iPod?" falls through at the last minute?
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: or if you want to be clever -
Tyler Durden pushes himself infront of a train, but no one hears the scream over the twist ending
quote: Originally posted by Black Mask Cool. Is that from Fight Club?
BM-BtB cross posting! Hurrah!
[ 08.05.2007, 10:06: Message edited by: Benny the Ball ]
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Does anyone else find this 1000 [blank or blanks] to [blank] Before You Die trope a bit depressing. I mean, there are some good films out there, but if I only had a couple of thousand hours to live I sure as hell wouldn't waste it gawping at movies. Similarly, most of the other lists involving stuff you have to dutifully tick off before you depart this worldly plane seem to involve either wanking off dolphins or going to Niagara Falls with all the other dull old retired fuckers.
It's just dreadful. People should be avoiding checklists of approved activities - not playing catch-up with mythical golden couples who seem to have 'done it all'. It's all just aspirational wank intended to fill you with yearning for shit you have to shell out for.
Ben I think you've said this before, but yeah I hate that shit. In fact I'm going to change the title of the thread.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Maybe if these lists were bound up with some kind of evil spell, so if you do actually watch every film on the 1000 Films You MUST Watch Before You Die list, you actually die, right there and then.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Booker: And so as history slowly places it into some kind of perspective, a few things about the Vietnam War have become clear. It was a war that never should have begun, and a country we never should have entered. And as thousands of victims died without really understanding why. Mainly because the reasons for the war were beyond any rules of logic. On Wednesday we'll sing patriotic songs and pretend I said none of the above.
BOOKER JUMPS IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE TRAIN SCREAMS AS IT REALISES IT IS CHUCK NORRIS PLAYING THE LEAD. THE SPACE-TIME CONTINIUM IMPLODES BUT THE NOISE IS DROWNED OUT BY CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKING AMTRACK FOR DARING TO AIM A TRAIN AT HIM
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:me Maybe if these lists were bound up with some kind of evil spell, so if you do actually watch every film on the 1000 Films You MUST Watch Before You Die list, you actually die, right there and then.
Ideally, by being pushed in front of a train.
[ 08.05.2007, 10:09: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
You know, the credits are rolling on film 1000, Brief Encounter, you feel an overwhelming sense of smugisfaction followed by an invisible hand on your back and the defeaning scream of a whistle.
[ 08.05.2007, 10:11: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
Gordon, James, and Henry: [Gordon, James, and Henry are blocking the entrance to the shed] Get out! Duck: Stop fooling! I'm tired. Gordon, James, and Henry: So are we. We're tired of you. We like Diesel. We don't like you. You tell tales about us to the trucks. Duck: I don't! Gordon, James, and Henry: You do! Duck: I don't! Gordon, James, and Henry: You do! Thomas: [eyes spinning wildly] What's going on here?
RINGO STARR PUSHES THOMAS UNDER HIMSELF etc
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
quote:me Maybe if these lists were bound up with some kind of evil spell, so if you do actually watch every film on the 1000 Films You MUST Watch Before You Die list, you actually die, right there and then.
Ideally, by being pushed in front of a train.
And if you don't watch all of them you'll never die! At the age of 7000, finally, driven half mad by curiosity, you crack and watch Brief Encounter.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: Booker: And so as history slowly places it into some kind of perspective, a few things about the Vietnam War have become clear. It was a war that never should have begun, and a country we never should have entered. And as thousands of victims died without really understanding why. Mainly because the reasons for the war were beyond any rules of logic. On Wednesday we'll sing patriotic songs and pretend I said none of the above.
BOOKER JUMPS IN FRONT OF A TRAIN. THE TRAIN SCREAMS AS IT REALISES IT IS CHUCK NORRIS PLAYING THE LEAD. THE SPACE-TIME CONTINIUM IMPLODES BUT THE NOISE IS DROWNED OUT BY CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKING AMTRACK FOR DARING TO AIM A TRAIN AT HIM
LOL! I still find that Chuck Norris shit funny!
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: And if you don't watch all of them you'll never die! At the age of 7000, finally, driven half mad by curiosity, you crack and watch Brief Encounter.
Excellent! This could make for an excellent episode of Morse, where the killer is sneaking around Oxford with a portable DVD player.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Probably better if he's flying around Oxford with his tiny pygmy mates in a remote controlled helicopter.
[ 08.05.2007, 10:19: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Lewis, this movie loving monster has been getting up to all sorts of adventures. Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Probably better if he's flying around Oxford with his tiny pygmy mates in a remote controlled helicopter.
With a portable DVD-player strapped to the undercarriage, firing blowdarts into their victims to render them inert and then playing them the 1000 movies-you-must-see-before-you-die at 32x FF.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: if I only had a couple of thousand hours to live I sure as hell wouldn't waste it gawping at movies.
Bloke gets told he's going to die of cancer. Sells all belongings and embarks on epic film watching spree, only to be told he's not actually dying.
Humourless idiot then decides to sue the hospital.
A prime candidate for the Oxford DVD Ripper's first victim I'd say.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
If he's that pissed off, why doesn't he just kill himself?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Maybe he's a rapist..?
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
INT: A dusty old living room - the detritus of nine hundred and ninety nine watched DVD's, smoked cigrettes, drunken bottles of wine, eaten pizzas etc...
The thousandth DVD runs its course, the credits roll on Brief Encounter.
We turn around and see an extremely old couple sat watching the screen as it fades to black...
OLD MAN: Happy?
OLD WOMAN: No, not really...
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: If he's that pissed off, why doesn't he just kill himself?
Any suggestions as to how?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: INT: A dusty old living room - the detritus of nine hundred and ninety nine watched DVD's, smoked cigrettes, drunken bottles of wine, eaten pizzas etc...
The thousandth DVD runs its course, the credits roll on Brief Encounter.
We turn around and see an extremely old couple sat watching the screen as it fades to black...
OLD MAN: Happy?
OLD WOMAN: No, not really...
OLD MAN: That's probably because we've never visited Sepik River, Papua New Guinea; Easter Island, Chile and the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador.
OLD WOMAN: Sigh.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: Any suggestions as to how?
Nothing springs to mind, no.
I imagine it would be incredibly liberating to be told you had six months to live. You'd remember that six months for the rest of your life, even if it was from inside a prison cell while serving multiple life sentences for middle-management-ocide.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
I've had unprotected sex with several prostitutes Admits 'not cancer' patient
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: You'd remember that six months for the rest of your life
Lol.
[ 08.05.2007, 10:34: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: INT: A dusty old living room - the detritus of nine hundred and ninety nine watched DVD's, smoked cigrettes, drunken bottles of wine, eaten pizzas etc...
The thousandth DVD runs its course, the credits roll on Brief Encounter.
We turn around and see an extremely old couple sat watching the screen as it fades to black...
OLD MAN: Happy?
OLD WOMAN: No, not really...
OLD MAN: That's probably because we've never visited Sepik River, Papua New Guinea; Easter Island, Chile and the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador.
OLD WOMAN: Sigh.
JOHN BRANDRICK BURSTS INTO THE ROOM, RAPES THE OLD WOMAN, THROWS THE OLD MAN UNDER A TRAIN. THE OLD FOLKS SCREAM BUT THEY ARE DROWNED OUT BY THE TRAIN WHISTLE. BRANDRICK TEARS OFF HIS SHIRT, THROWS HIS SPECTACLES ASIDE, SNORTS A LINE OF COCAINE AND PUNCHES A BOAR CLEAN OFF HIS CONNING TOWER.
[ 08.05.2007, 10:33: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
QI TMO
quote:BM Rape
Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Black Mask, oh dear.
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ BUZZ! BUZZ!
Dear me, it’s like Alan Davies all over again.
[ 08.05.2007, 10:48: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by squirrelandgman (Member # 201) on :
ey, it is probably too late now but Dead Mans Shoes is good. Paddy Considine is fucking great in it.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
and scarey as hell - the scene where they pile out of the car and face him by the garages, is funny, but there is such a sense of menace or something horrible about to happen that it made me very very tense indeed.
Posted by Dux (Member # 279) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: and scarey as hell - the scene where they pile out of the car and face him by the garages
Only Sonny gets out of the car. I thought one of the best bits was in the finale where Richard reveals his mixed feelings towards his brother.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
as i may have mentioned before, my favourite bits of dead man's shoes were mainly the bits with paddy considine's lovely face in. when he put the gasmask on i was very downcast. he is so dishy sometimes when i look at pictures of him my brain makes this lustful noise which is a bit like a cow lowing in a barn.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
