quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: I'm not quite dropping baskets of fruit in the aisles at my supermarket, falling to my knees to pick them up, getting angry, but then hunching over and sobbing "It's no use...it's no use" while gazing at two ripe grapefruit in my skeletal hands. Not yet.
How does someone manage to make such lol-inducing cynical stabs at life and still manage to be so miserable?
posted
I don't understand, Rooster. It's just a couple of crap jokes. I don't think they're supposed to be any reflection on the merits of your post.
I'm tempted to say "don't be depressed" but that would be three crap jokes.
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not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
posted
Taken from the first in my forthcoming thirty booklet series. Available for christmas £4.99 each
Note: tested only on males, research shows 90% of females employ this method subconciously.
1. Go to pants drawer.
2. Throw away all pants that comply with the following descriptions
a) Old b) Too tight c) Holey d) Stained e) Mystery f) Star wars related g) Weird h) Put in wrong wash cycle last time i) Buttons missing j) Y-front k) Yellow l) Funny (not haha but funny peculiar) m) Funny haha n) "Lucky" o) "Unlucky" p) Lycra q) Dad's r) Writing on front s) Writing on arse t) Mum's u) 70's v) Spiderman related w) Jock strap x) Thermal y) Thong z) Mesh
3. Now if you are like 92.5% of males you will 1 pair of pants left. Yes. The one's you are wearing... and let's face it they really should be in the bin bag too shouldn't they?
4. Right.
5. Take a deep breath, this is going to hurt.
6. what....?
7. Oh yeah breathe out...for fucks sake!
8. Throw all pants away. Preferably burn them. Note wear a pair of Y-fronts on your head to comply with tradition if you take the burning route.
9. Now go to shops
10. Buy at least 7 pairs of new pants. IMPORTANT: do not go for cheapest. You should try and buy at least 3 pairs of "expensive" Calvin Clein type trunks all in matching colour - White or black DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THESE COLOURS.
11. Yes I know they're expensive since the last time your mum bought them. This is therapy, it's expensive, get used to it. BUY THE NEW PANTS.
12. go home
13. Put new pants in pant drawer.
14. Gaze upon them for about 5 minutes
15. Go downstairs, eat dinner.
16. Go back to pant drawer, gaze upon it.
17. Watch a bit of TV, or play playstation or something I don't know - freestyle.
18. Go to bed. Gaze upon pant drawer again.
19. Get up choose BRAND NEW PANTS
20. Feel good. Those pants are "snug" huh? Feel real nice yeh? Today will be a good day.
posted
Freudtastic advice. I'm going to pant myself up tomorrow and take on the world....one day at a time....in clean pants.
Monday: Half moon some chicks. Tuesday: Launderette. Levis shit. Wednesday: Attract kittens..."lovely softy, come Kitty [PAT PAT]." Thursday: Get run over. "What have you got to say to that, Doc?" Friday: Clean CD collection. "Shaky bum, shaky bum." Saturday: Sexus with song. "He's Fresh...frisshhhh.....exciting...he's so exciting to me. Down you go into cotton town. Oh yeah!" Sunday: Chill on Sunday...in pants.
posted
I get down and depressed a lot - mainly because of things like compound interest. I always avoid buying anything when down as I the little consumer buzz goes away too quickly and I'm left with a horrible sense of guilt and dread of not having the rent. I tried comfort eating (someone I know is very into anonymous meetings, replacing one addiction for another - groups sessions etc) and he is always banging on about how I 'eat my feelings', but again, the feeling goes, the horror of packing a whole 8 pack of tunnocks waffers into my mouth hits me, and I'm back to square one. Excercise is a great option, plus I find making a fruit salad really good help, not just the actual eating of it, the making myself go out, buy fruit - and just fruit - and then coming home to chop it all up and prepare it, is great for lifting the spirits. Watching old favourites on DVD, reading, looking at the few forums I visit - all help.
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quote:Originally posted by vikram: cooking too - creative yummy.
Yes, lots and lots of cooking, preferably baking because the results of that usually outlast the sad mood. And whilst it's kind of (actually, exactly) like comfort eating, the fact that you've actually done something to get the comfort food makes it feel slightly more virtuous.
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