posted
I got my brother a book called Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit? for Christmas. There are some rather predictable rants about Ikea and The Daily Wail, but also some more subtle ones, including a well-researched diatribe against the continuing crime known as Chris Moyles. I think my favourite entry was about that awful scrawny misery-witch Gillian McKeith, who was described as having "young person's hair, but an old person's face" and "owl-on-speed eyes".
I watched her predictable Food Sin nonsense last night, whilst consuming a nice cuppa (3 sugars, full fat milk) and some leftover Christmas chocs, so I won that one. Apparently, if you eat a chocolate bar a day (like I have for the past 23 years or so) you "could" put on 2 stone in a year! Some sausages "might" have offal in! There was some really lovely footage of Indian takeaway oozing seductively in its foil box though. And white bread. Mmmm.
I once (accidentally) read one of her detox plans in a Sunday magazine, which included the memorable instruction "4 pm: snack on some lettuce or celery". Without a hint of irony. Over the page were some glossy ads for "McKeith's Miracle Magic Slim Pills: A Bountiful Elixir of Vaguely Healthsome Goodness"; the kind of labelling you usually see in a local museum's display of Victorian potion bottles, with the caption "lol at how stupid these oldens were to believe that fancy pills could cure TB!"
Anyway, enough of that old fraud.
We've had NY resolution threads before, and dieting threads. I mean, you can talk about them if you want, but how about a thread of declarations of stagnation:
I will do pretty much the same as last year. I'll do a bit of half hearted exercise, talk about getting ice skating lessons and moan about not having any sex. Easy.
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posted
I HAVE to get another job. I worked all over xmas. I did a 20 hour shift yesterday and was back on site this morning. I am living off of coffee and nicotine.
Do I get overtime? No. Days owed? No. Does my girlfriend, friends, family and I think that I am a complete mug? Yes.
posted
Hmmm. That book sounds like an ideal gift for *****.
I'm... actually, no, I want to change my life! Last night I was on a 'date' which turned into a deep discussion (and to a certain extent, character assasinations) between friends about what the hell we want out of life.
I've been cruising along, doing fuck all. Actually I'm apparently doing an MA, but am thinking of quitting. Because... because what the fuck is the point? I should just go and get a job, temp in various government departments like teh benway, do a bit of freelancey proofreading and the like thru mates, whatever, until i figure out what i'm good at, what i like doing.
This girl, she told me that i have to take responsibility for my own life. stop hiding. that's why i'm doing the MA, because it's easier than facing up to reality. i don't think it will help me much with any career i may one day attempt, though it does afford a kind of blank slate after fucking around for the last couple of years.
but
if i continue with it, that's another eight months of postponing life. i could always go enrol at birbeck and do MA in evening once i know what it is i should be doing.
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
Gillian McKeith is the most fantastic old charlatan, isn't she? I adored You are What you eat for sheer shadenfreude of it. Look at the big fat man eat a whole pan of lard! Made tucking into a Giant Cheese Sandwich seem positively virtuous by comparison.
In 2006 I will mostly be continuining to smoke, despite being forced further afield and further outside to do so. I will insist on the imminentness of my giving up, and lamely blame my increasingly brochial hack on 'leftover from a bad cold' or some other disingenuous shit.
I will, however, be changing jobs. This is less a resolution, and more a recognition of the fact that I will be made redundant in May. And attempting to live on my husband's quite frankly paltry wage would entail going back to the kind of living conditions that characterised my university years, only probably with less tendency to listen to ceaseless Radiohead and write poetry.
My New Year's Resolutions can be summarised succinctly as get fatter and iller. They're virtually unbreakable and the excellent thing is, breaking them would be a good thing!
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posted
But VP, you spent last year working, studying and reading loads of books, right? At the end of 2005 I have sweet FA to show for it (except a couple of level 10 zombie hunters). I don't want to say the same thing at the end of 2006. The thought of carrying on like last year is so depressing it makes me weep.
No, this year has to be full of changes. I am looking into part-time classes at the moment which my employer has agreed to pay for. I will do better this year.
posted
My 'not drinking booze in the week...or maybe not any for 2 weeks...or something' plan lasted for 5 hours after I woke up on the 2nd! This is actually even worse than it sounds when you take into account that I didn't stop drinking from NYE until the evening of the 1st!
posted
i think teh last few years, particularly the travel, has just hollowed me out. i'm not passionate about anything at all. and i used to be - whether it was music or art or politics or travel or whatever.
just emailed my lecturer with an all over the place ranty cry for help.
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posted
I've been existing in an optimism bubble for the last couple of months - you know - everything will be alright, wait until the New Year, things are looking up, etc.
What the new year has actually brought is the predictable realisation that I'm as qualified and experienced as I was when I left University, and that I'm facing another year of doing jobs I hate. No skills beyond basic admin, no experience beyond a 22 grand job just outside the city, many moon postings ago. The familiar pin of laziness is dry humping my beautiful bubble of hope. But I can barely do it any more. I'm here twice a year....job runs out...look at permanent, realise that I can't survive on the salaries that I'd get, resort to temping for another six months. At first, a few years ago, it was kind of exciting and liberating to just float about, meeting new people and earning alright money. Now it's more like...pathetic and embarrasing. Turning up at the agency, starting new jobs with a friendly grimace and a limp handshake. Hi this is Steve and he's going to be covering for a while. The job I was given just before this one involved counting paper clips.
Even though I know that I have to do this thing, and in a month I will be sitting in front of a different computer, I can feel a repulsion in my chest that grows stronger with every new CV I write, every apologetic smile as I'm given my new set of instructions. I can't just stop getting up in the morning, but it feels like self harm to carry on. It's not that I want to do anything else - I just want to be a couple of eyes peeking over a duvet at a film on TV. Feet walking through central london. A mouth receiving beer and fags. So, the same as I did last year, I'll just resort to distractions, cloud my thoughts, lie to other people so I'm forced to believe it myself, and continue to get up and carry on with this death by a thousand cuts.
Although, I fancy going ice skating as well. Did it a couple of times over christmas and enjoyed it, even though I was hopeless.
posted
Yeah, I know buying comedy novelty books for Christmas presents is really lazy and lame, but this one caught my eye and made me giggle at 3 randomly opened pages, including defining the property ladder as "that which divides society into two groups; the smug and the damned." Which is funny cause it's true.
Louche- I hope you saw the terrible You Are What You Eat with Michelle McManus on a few weeks ago. Despite losing a serious amount of weight and making quite strident lifestyle changes, "Dr" McKeith still put the boot in at every opportunity. When somebody who's always hated fish makes the effort to eat tuna regularly, why take them to a fish restaurant and shout at them for not eating different types of fish? Honestly.
I think we are going to be deluged with all the Detox Your Life with D-list Celebs over the next couple of weeks. I caught a couple of minutes of some Sort Yourself Out, You Disgrace Show last night, which featured someone who I think was supposed to be a Sleb alongside Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. The gist of it appeared to be: women! smoking is bad and it might mess up your ferility. Then they introuced might-be-Sleb to a random woman with a baby. It was very clear: woman with baby. Woman who smokes without baby. Aha!
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
posted
Hello and Happy New Year all.
Get an A* in my Spanish GCSE
Not so much diet as 'try to stop eating like a horse, with accompanying noises'
Start looking for more freelance work. Thankfully, my dismal bank balance has removed the agony of choice from this one
Do more creative writing stuff blah blah
Urgh. I am so generic. Do new year's resolutions fall into the category entitled 'Things That Will Rob You of Your Individuality' alongside Top Shop, the underground, reminiscing about 80s children's programmes, chick lit, Christmas party hats, illicit office affairs, geybies, 'travelling', DAN BROWN OH GOD MY EYES ARE BLEEDING yes I rather think they might.
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posted
seriously dudes, some advice would be helpful!
just had long conversation with a friend and chat with lecturer over lunch tomorrow.
but the advice of you gorgeoud talented strangers would be useful too!
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
posted
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Louche- I hope you saw the terrible You Are What You Eat with Michelle McManus on a few weeks ago. Despite losing a serious amount of weight and making quite strident lifestyle changes, "Dr" McKeith still put the boot in at every opportunity. When somebody who's always hated fish makes the effort to eat tuna regularly, why take them to a fish restaurant and shout at them for not eating different types of fish? Honestly.
I fucking HATE this woman. She is a fraud and a charlatan and her children have anaemia because she won't give them any fucking real food to eat, and she bullies rather than encourages and whilst she thinks her entire presence screams 'you'll thank me for this one day' what she is actually projecting is and image of herself as a gigantic moonfaced punchbag. I hope next time they meet McManus bodyslams her. Fucking aggressive Scotch bicthwhore. God. I HATT YOU MCKEITH.
Ben linked to this a while back which made me want to marry the writer, so bang on the money was she. I also started a thread a while back for which I was largely berated asking posters for names of people who should just be taken out, for the good of mankind. Mike Tyson was my example - I would also like to add Gillian McKeith to the list.
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posted
Vikram - don't quit the MA. Finishing iti would at least let you know you can finish something, and give you a sense of accomplishment. If you give it up, and fail to find anything to fill the gap, you'll feel a right plum.
What will I be doing this year? Oh, I'd imagine:
continuing to be aggrieved that the publishing world doesn't reward my obvious experience and talent by handing me a magazine to edit, while continuing to prevaricate and be generally half-assed
Having a geybie. Hopefully. That should put off any difficult career-based decisions, and enable me to see the true meaning of life and write an appalling blog about the joy of breast-milk rice pudding
Doing up my house in what I aim to be an individual yet tasteful way, but will end up as Changing Rooms with no right angles.
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posted
vikram, how about I come round one night and kill you? I've got your address now, and it would put an end to all of these worries. Face it, you're always going to feel this way. It'll never be easy, you'll never find a point to any of it. I can come round and cut your throat in the night. Then I'll run out into the road and be hit by a bus. I've already arranged a charcoal burner incident for Louise. I've got a book called "The world as will and representation" by Schopenhauer, and I'm going to read it, and if it doesn't 'work', I'm going on a murderous/suicidal rampage. I can do you, if you like.
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Vikram - don't quit the MA. Finishing iti would at least let you know you can finish something, and give you a sense of accomplishment. If you give it up, and fail to find anything to fill the gap, you'll feel a right plum.
Yeah, I know. Thanks. I'm just not very interested in it. I mean, I am, in a kinda pub conversation way, but academically?
I could start working like tomorrow if I want. Nothing flash, but it'll do. And then I'll temp, get a few projects thrown my way maybe, hell I could intern (although am 26 now so maybe too old. unless i did MA!). And - get this - I'd do really well and like totally impress and then I'd have a career and everything.
Why the fuck did I run away to India? Stupid me. I'm gonna be TWENTY SEVEN in May.
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quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: vikram, how about I come round one night and kill you? I've got your address now, and it would put an end to all of these worries. Face it, you're always going to feel this way. It'll never be easy, you'll never find a point to any of it. I can come round and cut your throat in the night. Then I'll run out into the road and be hit by a bus. I've already arranged a charcoal burner incident for Louise. I've got a book called "The world as will and representation" by Schopenhauer, and I'm going to read it, and if it doesn't 'work', I'm going on a murderous/suicidal rampage. I can do you, if you like.
That's very kind of you, but I you don't understand me - unlike say Louche, I WANT TO BE HAPPY, and to achieve this lofty goal I need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my stupid life and stop fucking around.
Where did it all go eh? I used to have passion and ambition and a little bit fo talent. Now I have NOTHING.
actually I am quite happy these days, Benway. London has done me good. Real life has I mean, although it's not proper real life, I'm still a lazy directionless fuckwit.
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benway, we should totally become terrible drunks, old before our time. i could be your uncle monty.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
quote:Originally posted by vikram: That's very kind of you, but I you don't understand me - unlike say Louche, I WANT TO BE HAPPY, and to achieve this lofty goal I need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my stupid life and stop fucking around.
Wha? Are you insinuating I understand you? I was being a sarcastic fuck. Sorry if there's any misunderstanding there.
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
posted
Vikram, I have a question. And I'm not being rude, I'm just interested.
Where does all your money come from? In all the time I've read your posts on this board, while you were travelling, when you came back and got a job but then sacked it in to go travelling again, and now you're back wondering about whether to carry on doing a fairly lengthy full time university course in the most cripplingly expensive city in the world, I've only ever heard you mention money once, and that was just now in your pros and cons list. Almost everyone on this board has moaned about money or lack thereof at some point - NWOD, benway, me, Squeegy....everyone. We're all looking to do more freelancing to get more money, or to change careers to get more money, or to buy a house to stop pissing money up the wall in rent, or to stay in to save money, or talking about how much more money our siblings/workmates/friends earn. Money comes up an awful lot.
Please feel free to tell me it's none of my business. I was just thinking about your current predicament and realised that if I was in your shoes, the first think I'd consider would be not just whether it was taking me in the right direction, but whether I could afford to do something I wasn't convinced about for another 8 months.
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posted
Note to Benway/Thorn, and anyone else here for that matter, there's a BFI run Post Grad Film Journalism course starting in Feburary, I don't know if it's likely to be any better than the shit "Want to be a Writer?" things you see in the paper, but just in case like.
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posted
I'm feeling pretty positive about this year, like great things are afoot. It feels exciting. It was like something just switched over on New Years Day and I suddenly felt that I really could achieve what I want from life - everything seemed possible, all of a sudden. Although I did have a maddening conversation with my dad last night, after he asked "How was the first day back at work?" and I was like "I dunno - OK. As good as you can expect". Then he started saying "Well, what's wrong with your job? Is it not working out? Did you make a mistake?" All because - you know - I was unenthusiastic about the first day back after Christmas. Madness. That's really kind of got me agitated, actually.
Other than that I'm pretty excited.
My new year's resolutions are:
- Get my scrapper to lvl 40 in City of Heroes
- Discover the sinister truth behind the grisly massacre at Armacham
- Eliminate the Strogg threat by taking the war to their home planet
As you might expect, I've made the usual half-hearted pledges about diet, exercise and alcohol - with the addition of swearing off tv and excessive internet (ab)use.
Additionally: I thought I'd have a crack at The Iliad and The Odyssey - can anyone advise on whether the EV Rieu translations are okay or whether I should go for later versions (eg. Fagles) or perhaps even earlier ones (Chapman etc).
posted
Bengay, you moaning minny, I've told you loads of times to check out jobs.ac.uk. I mean, I don't know what you class as a permanent salary that you can live on, but I started here on 25k with a messy CV that included an irrelevant degree, random foreign jobs and crappy admin jobs.
Here is a pic I forgot to post from the 2005 MinceMeat:
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quote:Originally posted by Boy Racer: Note to Benway/Thorn, and anyone else here for that matter, there's a BFI run Post Grad Film Journalism course starting in Feburary, I don't know if it's likely to be any better than the shit "Want to be a Writer?" things you see in the paper, but just in case like.
The dude who I produce the mag with went on this last year. It's not really a passport into the world of film journalism as far as I know, more an overview of film history and theory. He came quite close to a meltdown while trying to keep up with the work and do his own job.
Anyway. Thr0n could probably walk into any film journalism job he wanted. I was thinking about doing one of those 'want to be a writer?' courses a few years ago, and London (the woman) beat it out of me.
posted
man. that's a pretty dire picture of me there. I was on your magic website earlier today, VP, and there wasn't anything like a 25k job for free.
quote:Originally posted by ben: Also: Vikram - what is your MA in?
'International Studies' lol. It's pretty much International Relations with Genocide Studies. When I got back to London late August I applied to a bunch of places but the only one in London that would take me at that late hour and with my academic record was my darling alma mater.
I was just about to demand advice from you and Amp actually. Tell me!
Scrawy - I'm, um, I'm not answering that, sorry. Just to say I'm living on fucking petrol fumes these days, which is in part why I'm reassessing what the hell I'm (not) doing.
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Speaking as someone who was actually there, I can confirm that, YES Benway was suckling from Bandy's teat and YES Bandy's 'milk' was the butterscotchy brown colour and consistency of popular legend.
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quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: I was thinking about doing one of those 'want to be a writer?' courses a few years ago, and London (the woman) beat it out of me.
Friends did the one at the Groucho. Was formulaic and a bit narrow, but definitely helped with motivation. £120 for 10 saturdays I think.
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quote:Originally posted by ben: Additionally: I thought I'd have a crack at The Iliad and The Odyssey - can anyone advise on whether the EV Rieu translations are okay or whether I should go for later versions (eg. Fagles) or perhaps even earlier ones (Chapman etc).
I read the Iliad last year. I don't think it counts as a New Year's Resolution or anything, any more than claiming that 'having a crack' at watching the news is a resolution*. It's really enjoyable, and a really easy read - I mean it's entertained plebs for a few thousand years now. I can't remember which translation I read, but I think it was the penguin classics one, and it had a sticker on the front declaring it "The Book That Inspired Troy!". Anyway, I think you're setting yourself too easy a task, as you'll really enjoy those works. It'd be much harder to haul yourself through some modern dreck like Boxy an Star.
*obviously I write this from the perspective that my own NY resolutions are a joke - I'm not really interested in convincing my dad I'm not wasting my life, nfor example
posted
I'm reading Bill Drummond's book 45 and it is excellent, and I love Bill Drummond and I think about him a lot, and I went to his show and sat THIS CLOSE to him.
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