quote:As a 50 year old adult with the mental capacity of a 5 year old she has not missed a single episode of your show and it has been hard for her to understand that you will not be on TV again.
quote:I've been developing some wierd crushes recently. The other day I found myself fantasising about dirty, dirty scouser Kerry McFadden in those Iceland ads. I can clearly picture a sordid fling with her, spending all day in bed while her kisd antagonise me by banging on the door. I can imagine snogging her just to stop her from talking, and then getting carried away with her squashy boobs and her squishy plump c*nt. I can hear her saying "Why do you never introduce me to your friends, is it because you're ashamed of me?" and I'd be saying "No - don't be stupid", when I was really thinking "Yes, obviously. Look at yourself," and then promising I'd introduce her next week, but having no intention of actually doing it. Lying, so I could crawl back up that slimy grateful vaj. It's nasty and cruel, and I can't get the image of my dirty shameful lover Kerry McFadden out of my head. [/QB]
lol - post of the month. Who would I do on tv? Probably any one of the chicks who present the weather on BBC Breakfast. I don't know if it's a weather thing or a BBC thing or even, indeed, a breakfast thing... I just love how cheerful and stoical they are at, like, half six in the morning in an ice storm outside "historic Basingstoke" or wherever.
Question: did anyone see the BBC Breakfast weather this morning? I was just wondering whether they did it from outside the burning oil depot at Hemel Hempstead - that would have been cool... and arousing.
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Nah, ex "Fat Academy" fox Penny Smith of GMTV looks like she's gagging for it and would make a bacon and runny egg sarnie with brown sauce for both of you after..
Better than the Beeb any day, I reckon Kraplinskis mimsy is hermetically sealed and her poos come out shrinkwrapped.
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Who are the male equivalents of these kind of wrong'uns? I can't think. My friend has a thing for Boris Johnson but I can't see it. He's like a fat baby. The only televisual type that I fancy is Jack off Lost, because he's exactly not the type of thing I go for. The stereotype he embodies - the hero - the flawless hero, the tragic hero whose only fault ever lies in trying to do the right thing - with the big arms - endless fount of knowledge - SO manly - so right it's right. And me all fainting in my lacy stockings and round-toed shoes, and him kissing me better. He wouldn't slap me around and I wouldn't even care! But who is wrong to fancy? John Leslie, he'd be wrong to fancy. Sven Goran Ericcson? Richard Madley? Vernon Kaye.
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Peter Kaye. That would be wrong. Eammon Holmo. That bearded twat on C4 who shouts all the time about reviving things that shouldn't be revived. Justin something.
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If I had a crush on Vernon Kaye I would be so embarrassed I would reach my hand up myself, clasp my womb in my fist, drag it downwards, pull it out and trample and smear it beneath my feet to prevent such heniousness ever ocurring again.
H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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He may not be your cup of tea, and he's not mine. But he's an ex-model, and therefore mainstream and non-Weird. It's like if a bloke said that they fancied Claudia Schiffer or something, you wouldn't think that they were odd. Just slightly unimaginative, perhaps.
-------------------- i'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song Posts: 4243
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I'd like to ram the sharpened heel of one of her minging pink stilletoes repeatedly into Natasha Kaplinskys skull and see how many hits it took before it actually reached really real brain material. Twenty six is a conservative guess, I reckon.
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I really really hate that fat ugly man, Peter Kaye. If he comes on the telly I turn it off. I have been sitting here trying to FORCE myself to imagine having sex with him. I'm trying to persuade myself that he's so ugly and fat and vile that it would be degrading to fuck him which would itself be arousing etc (this normally works! how else do you think I manage to fuck my boyfriend!). But it's not working with that man. My imaginary vagina is so dry it squeaks as I try to run away. Maybe fancying wrong 'uns is a luxury only available to those who have loads of right'uns to choose from? After all there are so many pretty girls out there in medialand, and so many mediocre men. I cannot get a frisson imagining fancying some ugly old munter because that's pretty much all that's on offer. (Apart from Seth Cohen, that is.)
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The Space Cads and Cadette 'blasted off' yesterday on their trip to the stars. I'd like to say that their faces were full of awe and wonder, but two of them were thumb wrestling as Earth Orbiter One headed for the stars.
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bloody hell, abby. i didn't think you moved in circles like that.
i had a mate at uni who fancied patricia routledge in the role of hyacinth bucket. his girlfriend was coming to stay the first weekend, and when we asked him what she was like he grinned and said "she scares the shit out of me!".
-------------------- i shot a man in reno just to watch him die Posts: 2064
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This Space Cadets thing... how are they going to handle the reveal? I'd like to see some kind of invented disaster hit the shuttle, with a kind of vacuum 'sucking the air out' sort of effect and the unequivocal message to the contestants that they're inevitably going to die. Vibrate the set really heavily, get the actors screaming, and then record the whimphering death pleas and sinister last minute confessions of the contestants, broadcast them out to the world, zoom in on the patches of hot urine spreading across their clothes, bring the whole this to a squealing, juddering pitch, and then suddenly stop, and have Johnny Vaughn enter the set with a microphone, laughing at them. That's the only way to do it.
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It would be best if they left it ten years or something before they told them. They should stage a successful landing, and then the contestants can go on the news, on talk shows, write books about it, and generally feel like they've really accomplished something. Get everybody in on the act like. Then have a reunion show in a few years where they do the reveal. Or, just never tell them. So everybody can laugh at them behind their backs as long as they live.
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They should shake the mock shuttle to buggery whilst putting on a mental light show outside during the alleged re-entry.
Then when they open the doors to exit the shuttle everyone should be dressed up as monkeys.
The 'astro-nots' should then be dressed in loin cloths and kept in a cage for another week or two, y'know just for a laugh.
Then on Christmas day one of the monkeys can tell them both how he raped and ate both sets of their parents and grandparents before letting them in on the joke..
How we'll all laugh.
-------------------- my own brother a god dam shit sucking vampire!!! you wait till mum finds out buddy!
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lol, that would be good. There's plenty of shit you could pull. Once you've put them on a pretend space voyage, there shouldn't be any limits to how you can trick them.
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I want them to discover extra-terrestrial life. Seeing how the show has gone so far, this would probably involve Jon E. Vorne sitting atop the simul6er and dangling a jellyfish in front of the window from a fishing rod.
I'd like to see their faces. Not their faeces, though.
For me, the show has been saved by actor, Charlie.
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Or they could tell them that the 'sensors' have detected a space-virus and they need to be kept quarantined forever in orbit, for fear of wiping out life on earth. Then when they beg to be allowed to come back anyway everyone will know what cnuts they are, and they will be reviled for ever more.
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