posted
On my walk to work this morning I saw a thing that made me laugh, bitter and contemptuous laughter, granted, but laughter nonetheless. I was walking through Westminster when I approached a man standing next to his car. It was a silver VW Golf, the man, in his late twenties or early thirties, had obviously just emerged from the car. He made a big show of yawning, he tousled his hair. He straightened his suit jacket and turned up the crisp white cotton collar of his shirt. From the interior of his car he produced a dark blue silk tie, which he ostentatiously began knotting around his throat. His little mime was accompanied by the 'music' of Sting pouring from his car at extremely high volume. I winced as I walked towards him, as I drew level with him the bitter and contemptuous laugh coud not be stifled. He'd caught my eye and given me a rare and very superior smirk. I was simultaneously elated, depressed and angered by my exposure to this little tableau. I thought I should share it with you.
I don't know where we're going to go with this one. If anyone can identify the DNA of a thread in anything written above, and is prepared to nurture it to fruition, then God bless you.
Thank you for your time.
[ 10.11.2005, 05:00: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
posted
Hmm, I don't know if it's of any relevance but I was barely able to suppress laughter at a woman at Lewisham train station on Saturday who clearly fancied herself something chronic but whose appearance could best be described as bizarre cross between Tom Cruise as The Vampire Lestat and a clown. Her boots were a particularly interesting blend of (massive) pixie and cowboy, and she had on a bolero jacket and a look of haughty self-satisfaction.
[ 10.11.2005, 04:47: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
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posted
It's interesting, the mime's people play out - almost as though there is some nurtured concept of being on video at all times, of being just a chance meeting away from being discovered, and so it seems many people act in life as though they are in film, grand gestures, attempts to draw attention just so that they are being watched. Like the grand mime of making sure that people around you realise that if you have to turn around and walk back in yourself you are not some kind of cretinous simpleton that walks back and forth on the same bit of road all day, but that there is a reason for your walk back.
I crave simpler days, days when people broke into a short run to try and hide the fact that they had almost tripped over.
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quote:Originally posted by B the B :- I crave simpler days, days when people broke into a short run to try and hide the fact that they had almost tripped over.
Ah, street slapstick is great. I enjoy people running for busses or trains and just missing them. I like to ease their embarassment by laughing like a drainpipe and shouting w@nker at them.
I once saw a man in a hurry rushing down a large flight of stairs at a train station. Halfway down he stared flapping at his pockets and sqealing like a pig. Turns out he had a packet of Swan vestas in his pocket which had ingnited as he ran.
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Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
Sometimes on the train, if I'm reading a book I think other people would be impressed by, I might tilt it upwards slightly so that the title is visible. I might also affect an expression of intelligent concentration, which seems to involve frowning a lot.
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posted
But when it is a shameful book you hsve to try and get it out your bag and open it without anyone seeing the front...
Last night I was privileged to witness a (male) friend of mine give a (female) friend a birthday lapdance which ended with him wearing large granny pants, fluffy cow socks and a tweed cap, while everyone else sang Eye of the Tiger on the Karaoke machine. On a school night...I feel rubbish today...
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quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: Sometimes on the train, if I'm reading a book I think other people would be impressed by, I might tilt it upwards slightly so that the title is visible. I might also affect an expression of intelligent concentration, which seems to involve frowning a lot.
you probably look like you hate the book that you are reading, and want everybody to see how much you dislike it.
Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
that would be even better though, because then I would look like a person with very shrewd, discerning literary tastes, I expect.
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quote:Originally posted by Abby: Last night I was privileged to witness a (male) friend of mine give a (female) friend a birthday lapdance which ended with him wearing large granny pants, fluffy cow socks and a tweed cap, while everyone else sang Eye of the Tiger on the Karaoke machine. On a school night...I feel rubbish today...
I have always wanted to have a pop at a lap-dance, only the fear of laughter and shame have stopped me. How does one learn how to do this sort of thing?
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posted
There are plenty of Lap Dancing classes now available - most of them seem to take place in Old Street area of London, but I'm sure a search will bring up some results - from what I've heard the majority of them are good work outs with just the ladies present, so that men aren't peering at you/putting you off until you chose to grace someone with a display.
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posted
Yeah, but it relates to a story I heard from someone who went to a class, and said that they turned up at a pub, where a section had been set aside, and kept catching men from the pub in the corner of her eye just standing there watching with dead cod-eyes and a glass of half and half in their claw like hands. It put her off, apparently
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quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: Sometimes on the train, if I'm reading a book I think other people would be impressed by, I might tilt it upwards slightly so that the title is visible.
I wish everyone did that, I always want to see what other people are reading so if I can't see a title tend to watch, stalkerlike, in case they tilt the book up when they turn a page or something. I don't know what I think I'm going to do with the information that they, too, are reading The Name Of The Rose, but it always seems to matter at the time.
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posted
Another amusing pastime is to glance at the pages of the book they are reading and see if you recognise it.
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quote:Originally posted by Boy Racer: Hmm, I don't know if it's of any relevance but I was barely able to suppress laughter at a woman at Lewisham train station on Saturday who clearly fancied herself something chronic but whose appearance could best be described as bizarre cross between Tom Cruise as The Vampire Lestat and a clown. Her boots were a particularly interesting blend of (massive) pixie and cowboy, and she had on a bolero jacket and a look of haughty self-satisfaction.
H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
posted
I find myself ostentatiously air-drumming on the steering wheel or chair dancing whilst stuck in traffic when I think the track that I am listening to is cool and trendy and that therefore I must be seen to be cool and trendy by association.
I also do that thing when driving and listening to similarly "cool" CDs, where I have the window down and the music blasting as I crawl up Whiteladies road (home to most of the bars in Bristol), especially in the summer when the windows are all open or people are sitting outside. I'm so ashamed.
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posted
Yeah you'd definitely have one of the fastest cars there. You should probably put some stickers and things on it though otherwise people might not believe it's actually fast.
You should also get some hotpants and pink legwarmers if you really want to be accepted.
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posted
Could lez it up a bit too. Awkwardly like, as if you're really not enjoying it, with a few ginger glances over at the leering male audience, with a look on your face that just shouts "When did I become such a whore?"
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
posted
Sounds like my Saturday night - I'm having drunken flashbacks. (for avoidance of doubt: notreeeeely)
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posted
is this what top TMO forumite "imnotthatclever" was talking about in his/her post about people ruining threads? If so, it's clear who the culprit is in this case.
[ 10.11.2005, 08:36: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
posted
when i was working at the cafe in bristol zoo last saturday afternoon (something i wholehearetedly vow NEVER to do again, as i still fully intend to have children at some point in time and much more than a ten minute period in such a place acts as a contraceptive about 17 times more effective than the mirena intrauterine device) i heard a yummy clifton mummy shouting this at her child:
please dont throw your porridge on the floor, toby! its organic!
it is very difficult to convincingly hide a laugh by pretending to cough when you are holiding a j-cloth and a bottle of sanitiser.
posted
actually can i change that to milo? ive just remembered i have some very nice friends who called their little boy toby, and they are not hateful or yummy mummyish in any way.
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