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Your superiors appoint you a team consisting of a marksman, a demolitions expert and a medic. But, who ends up taking out the tyrant with the sniper-rifle? Who has to place all the breaching charges? Who dishes out the med-kits?
That's right!
All I'm saying is I'd like a little help once in a while...
And, while we're on the subject, when I give you an order to take out a position I'd appreciate it if you actually showed a bit of enthusiasm, rather than just shooting ineffectually over the heads of the enemy. Leaving Muggins, here, to get his hands dirty.
[ 28.09.2006, 07:54: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
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outside a police station. night time. police chief and constable are just going home for the night.
Chief - "Right, we all locked up?"
Constable - "Yep, I locked the doors on the first floor with the diamond shaped key which I then hid behind the painting about the fireplace on the third floor. I put the lighter into the safety box, and the key which opens it I put into the hand of the statue in the lobby. I've shifted the two statues which operate the secret door to the basement off of their pressure switches, and pulled the lever to raise the collapsible ladder to the balcony on the second floor. Oh, I turned the lights out too."
Chief - "Great, what did you do with the key card for the computer system?"
Constable - "Oh I left it sitting on the main desk in reception. I figured it would be ok there"
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We're in rural Spain, the most sophisticated weapons in use among the locals are the pitchfork, the axe and the occasional chainsaw. Where did all these arms dealers spring up from?
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Military commander - "Right, here's the situation: The evil boss and his evil scientist have created one of the most powerful weapons ever created. This is a threat to the entire world. He has about a thousand well armed men occupying an almost inpenetrable fortress. I need ideas people"
"airstrike?"
"Nuclear weapon?"
"Storm the building with tanks and several hundred special ops?"
"How about we send in a single, lightly armed soldier?"
Military commander - "Perfect. Someone give that man a promotion!"
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quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: resident evil 2!
or was that 3?
Technically both. The police station is one of the main settings in two but your first run-in with Nemesis happens outside the police station in 3, and I think there are some bits inside too.
I might dig it out and have a play of 3 actually.
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A young village boy raised by foster parents is shocked to discover that despite only owning a wooden sword and some leather underwear that he is actually from a long heritage of legendary heroes. His adoptive family will begrudgingly reveal secrets from his past only when they hear he has cleared out the local hostelry from bothersome oversized rats.
He will soon learn that his career path is not limited to carpentry, but with enough determination he can truly follow his destiny. As long as his destiny happens to be a Fighter, Rogue or Mage.
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: [QUOTE]Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: [qb] resident evil 2!
I might dig it out and have a play of 3 actually.
I never finished that. I got stuck in some bit where you're trapped in either a park or graveyard with the nemesis, and he killed me every time with his grabby hand.
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You are attacked by a party of snakes or large rats and after slaying the beasts you discover they were carrying several gold coins and a magical health potion.
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Henchman - "hey boss, what should we do with all these ammo clips and medical packs we've got?"
Boss - "Just distribute them randomly into small wooden boxes and vases around our super secure evil lair"
Henchman - "Right so"
Henchman - "Ok boss, I went round and hid all the ammo and medical packs like you asked"
Boss - "Excellent"
Henchman - *shuffles nervously looking at the floor*
Boss - "what is it henchman?"
Henchman - "Well... me and some of the guys were talking and, well, we're a bit worried that we might not be able to find the ammo if we need it"
Boss - "hmmm yes. How about this: go down to the kitchen and under the sink you'll find some Mr Sheen and a few dusters. Take that, and all the boxes and vase you used to hide the ammo, polish them up and position them in such a way that they catch the light and sparkle conspicuously from any angle"
Henchman - "Ok boss I'll get right on it. There was something else as well..."
Boss - "yes?"
Henchman - "well you know those hidden laser bombs you asked us to put in some of the coridors to stop people walking down them? Well, we're a bit worried that we might accidentally walk into them. You see the lasers don't show up so it's a bit dangerous"
Boss - "yes, I see your point. Ok, go and see the Evil Scientist and see if he can add some big flashing red lights to all the laser bombs, that way you'll be able to see them easily and shouldn't have any accidents"
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He is cold because he think she can get away with it squeegy. The cheeky sod.
Also: at forgetting my all time favourite computer game bollocks: Animals that contain suits of armour. How could I have forgotten that classic faux pas?
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Henchman 1 “Ok, all the defences are in place, we’re now totally secure. We’re here to guard this room which is the only way through to the room containing the secret plans. So long as we stay right here where we are, nobody can get through to the plans”
Henchman 2 “Hey what was that noise down that random corridor? It sounded like someone throwing a small stone against a wall”
Henchman 1 “I don’t know, could be trouble. Let’s all go and check it out…”
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I'm liking Ringo's 'Boss and Henchman' show. Another B&H moment
Boss: "This guy that's infiltrating our base....what to do with him?"
Henchman: "Well boss, we could bump him off easily, but I do know you like to recruit some of our strongest opponents"
Boss: "I do, don't I? We'd best do what we usually do in these cirumstances"
Henchman: "Boss?"
Boss: "You idiot! Deploy our forces in a tier system, making each defense gradually stonger until he enventually gets to us in our tower. If he gets to the ramparts and turns down our offer of employment during our first meeting I'll allow him to rough me up a bit. Then, if he declines again when he catches up with us here, I'll show him the true extent of my power. Maybe with the tentacles or something"
Henchman starts to walk off
Boss: "...and number 1..."
Henchman: "Yes Boss?"
Boss: "Don't make it too hard for him eh? Maybe leave a rifle in the ghost train in the safe that unlocks when you shoot at least 10 skeletons or....do you know Ted?"
Henchman: "Ted who swallowed the rocket launcher at the Christmas party Boss?
Boss: "That's the guy. Make sure he at least gets to fight Ted before the tanks. Jobs are hard to come by around these parts."
[ 28.09.2006, 08:50: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
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I think Benway Big Nuts has an enjoyable and slightly annoying ring to it. Lets call him that. In fact Darryn, could you changed his name to Benway Big Nuts and tag him with the fierce mouthed bollock image? That would be excellent.
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I'm counting the votes Jimmy and assuming you are going to say 'fack that shat' I see it as 3-1 to us and you with the angriest bollock this side of forumsville.
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Henchman 1 “I just can’t figure Mary out sometimes, it’s like one minute she’s hot, the next she’s cold”
Henchman 2 “I know what you mean. Women, they mess with your head sometimes. At first it’s all walks on the beach and kisses in the sunset, then once they know they’ve got you hooked they just turn it all off”
Henchman 1 “I wouldn’t mind so much if she at least acknowledged me sometimes. She just seems so distant now”
Henchman 2 “The President’s daughter is being held in a room on the top floor. There’s an air vent which goes from the kitchen all the way up there”
Henchman 1 “sorry?”
Henchman 2 “I don’t know, I just kinda blurted that out”
Henchman 1 “How random”
Henchman 1’s head explodes in a shower of brain fragments. His blood spattered body falls limply to the floor
Henchman 2 “So did you catch the game last night?”
Henchman 1 “…….”
Henchman 2 “Yeah it was a great match, we’ve got good prospects for the season this year”
Henchman 1 “…….”
Henchman 2 “I know, injuries notwithstanding of cou…. Hey, did you hear that? Sounded like someone throwing a small stone against the wall down that corridor”
Mikee, mail to your g-spot is being delayed apparently. If you email me certain details, I will make the arrangement.
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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loving Ringo's work.
-------------------- i'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song Posts: 4243
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![[Frown]](frown.gif)
at forgetting my all time favourite computer game bollocks: Animals that contain suits of armour. How could I have forgotten that classic faux pas?
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