posted
A friend and my wife recently asked me what I really wanted to do, what would make me happy as a job - and I couldn't answer. Partly because I was caught between the idea of what I thought was needed of me in a job, partly because I have very little idea...
I've gone from the usual astronaught to car mechanic to comic book writer kind of path of a young kid, but as an adult I just don't know?
I love history, so perhaps teaching history would be good. I'd love to be a Sci-Fi writer... but I just don't know????
So, TMO, what would be your ideal job, what would you really really want to do, deep down?
<pretty woman tramp>what's your dream</pretty woman tramp>
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posted
The first jobs I did, like a lot of people I'm sure, were very active things like a paper round when I was a kid, then working in a busy restaurant, then unloading trucks in a warehouse. The warehouse one was good. Radio on all day, plenty of banter and practical jokes, and physical hard work to keep you fit and healthy. Of course, jobs like that never pay anything like enough to feed a family, but without that responsibility to worry about I reckon I'd be back to that kind of job straight away. I only occasionally get satisfaction out of this job (web developing) these days. Too much sitting around, too much complexity to give any real creative pleasure like it used to. But it pays bucketloads of cash so I'm stuck with it innit.
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Of late I've been thinking that I'm sick of being stuck in an office and want to get out and about. Street sweeping even looks appealing, but that might just be ennui with current employ.
I'd like to be a tour guide of something really complicated, like St Paul's cathedral, and know absolutely everything about every part of it, and never get bored telling people why the third gargoyle on the left has a shorter tongue than all the others.
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posted
I want to be a window cleaner. There'd be something quite entertaining about hanging off the side of a massive office building by a couple of cables, moving slowly past a seemingly endless parade of bored employees, framed behind glass. It'd be like visiting a different zoo every day.
posted
My dream is not to work; I used to think that this was a universal desire, that nobody actually wants to do work, but I've realised that this is not the case. Oscar Wilde said something like "find your dream job and you'll never do another day's work in your life", and that's the point, I suppose.
So. Being a talented musician, who people pay to compose and play ace stuff, would be good. Slightly more realistically, I think I'd enjoy being a video or film editor -- I recently did a video of a stag do I went on with some friends, and I really enjoyed it, combining clever edits, music, titles, and so on.
Something that earns lots of money, really, would be my ideal job. Neither musician nor film editor fit that category, I fear.
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posted
Recently a friend was discussing an idea for a fancy dress do at which people would come dressed as 'what they wanted to be when they grew up'.
This sounds like quite a nice idea until you realise you'd have a room full of lion tamers, astronauts and tank commanders who, in drab actuality, work in media sales, personnel development and data processing. The gulf between childhood dreams and the soul-crushing destination which most of us have reached would be just too much - people would get blitzed and start cutting themselves and writing poetry about their shattered aspirations.
It would be much better to have a children's fancy-dress where the kids had to turn up in "What I'll probably end up as", with lots of 7-year-olds dressed as marketing managers, IT consultants and advertising copywriters. Rather than pass-the-parcel you could have them doing PowerPoint presentations and they'd be forbidden from talking about subjects other than where they expect to property market to go in the next six months or recent home improvement successes/failures.
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posted
I don't really have a dream job, hence why I'm just floating around like a turd in the corporate sea. My life is the echo of a childhood scream.
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quote:Originally posted by ben: they'd be forbidden from talking about subjects other than where they expect to property market to go in the next six months or recent home improvement successes/failures.
This made me laugh and then made me depressed. Increasingly this is all my friends talk about. I just... I don't understand when or how it happened, but I know it didn't always used to be like this. The situation isn't yet completely dire - we did all spend some time this weekend exchanging piss and vomit anecdotes for example, but it's clear that home improvement and house prices are cutting an ever greater swathe into the conversation. I reckon I'll have to make some kind of sacrifice in order to rescue my friends from this conversational graveyard. Maybe if I did something like took a bunch of schoolgirls hostage, raped them all to death and then rushed out into the besieging SWAT team to be gunned down in a hail of bullets they would have something less banal to say. Although, at the back of my mind is the depressing idea that it wouldn't happened. I can already picture my friends - husband and wife - visiting some of our friends from university who live in a detached house in Chepstow and saying "So... Ian got shotgunned to death in a 48 hour siege and left 15 dead behind him", being greeted with an uninterested "Oh," sitting in silence for five minutes before resorting to "So! We've had the wall in the living room knocked through", and receiving a squealed "Ooo! We were thinking of having that done here!".
posted
What did you want to be as a kid, Benway? I remember being asked this at primary school and not knowing what to say. I think I flailed around my mind and said "train driver".
Later I regretted saying that, as I realised it would probably be a bit shit, and worried that having said it to my teacher at school, I would end up having to be a train driver for the rest of my life.
Did anyone do Jiig-Cal at school? Where you answered loads of questions and it came up with your ideal jobs. For me it suggested bingo caller, petrol pump attendant and Formula 1 racing driver.
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quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Maybe if I did something like took a bunch of schoolgirls hostage, raped them all to death and then rushed out into the besieging SWAT team to be gunned down in a hail of bullets
Poor Octavia, that'll take thousands off the value of their place.
posted
Ooh, I did that. It said I should be an airline pilot, antiques dealer or spy. Three very similar careers, I'm sure you'll agree.
When asked at age 6 what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said 'grasshopper'. It hasn't happened yet, though I do get a funny noise when I rub my legs together.
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posted
I did do one of those tests in school that tells you what you're going to be. It was called "morrisby" and I ended up with "administrator". I found it at my parents' house a couple of years ago and nearly wept at the horror of it. It was never a case of what I wanted to do, but rather, what my dad thought I should do, which was get involved in politics. So I never really thought about what I actually wanted.
You know, all I ever really fantasised about when I was a kid was having a well stocked drinks cabinet. Strange but true. I couldn't wait to be able to drink Jack Daniels whenever I wanted. I thought that would be the best thing ever. That, and I wanted to be either a computer hacker like the kid in WarGames or a drop out skateboarder like the kid in Gleaming the Cube.
[ 29.05.2007, 07:11: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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quote:Originally posted by herbs: airline pilot, antiques dealer or spy
You could be all three! There's a popular novel just waiting to be written, right there. Your codename would be "the Grasshopper".
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posted
I tend to just glaze over and stop paying attention when people talk about houses. Same with holidays. Recycling, however, I could talk about for hours.
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posted
Yep I did that test where you filled in the little boxes in pencil - I seem to recall it coming back with Lorry Driver, Navy diver, formula 1 pit crew and some slightly more dull ones which have faded from my mind in the midsts of time.
I guess I am kind of lucky in what I would really like to do, ie Rock Photographer, I actually do albeit in a (mostly) unpaid capacity, but the memories are certainly a good substitute for cold hard cash.
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: You know, all I ever really fantasised about when I was a kid was having a well stocked drinks cabinet. Strange but true.
I thought the best thing about being grown up would be being able to have Findus Crispy Pancakes for dinner every night. My ice compartment at the top of the fridge would have as many as I wanted. My only concern in life would be whether to have spicy beef or cheese and ham filling that night, and with peas or sweetcorn.
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quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Increasingly this is all my friends talk about. I just... I don't understand when or how it happened, but I know it didn't always used to be like this.
Fuck me, I was at a dinner party at the weekend and was pulled up on a reference to "Joyce" that I made in desperate attempt to jump the tracks of the conversation off of "the local schools are so good around here version 8.0" and onto something that made me feel less like killing myself.
It backfired in the worst possible way as I was obliged to go into an excruciating explanation along the lines of: Joyce. James Joyce. James Joyce the Irish writer. James Joyce the difficult modernist Irish writer who wrote Ulysses and hence the import of my off-the-cuff remark about presenting a 12yo with a page thereof. Stop looking at me. STOP LOOKING AT MEEEE YOU FCCKING CCCCCNTS.
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posted
JIIG-HAL (a sentient machine respesented by a red dot in my mind) told me that I was destined to become a Naval Architect.
JIIG-HAL was wrong.
One of my friends wanted to be a train driver and actually followed it through. The company replaced the old trains with new plastic ones (crap to drive, apparenty), banned smoking and radios in the cab, so he gave it up. Also, he forgot to stop at a couple of stations, so I'm not sure the decision was entirely his. These days he works in an office working out timetables for engineering works.
He's doing alright for himself though. Just got himself a buy-to-let property in Kent...
posted
I did actually go to a fancy dress party with the theme of "when I grow up I want to be..." I was invited at the last minute, so didn't have time to get together a She-Ra costume, and fell back on the easy default of cowgirl (already got hat, boots and denim skirt, therefore only needed to purchase toy gun). There were some quite good costumes there- characters from Fame, Grease etc. Lots of nurses, pirates and musketeers and a magician, police officer, Princess Leia and Del Boy. Also, this party was on a boat and had a free bar.
I always wanted to work with animals, I think, and then had vague ideas about being a cool music journalist during my teens.
Currently, I'd really like to work at the Natural History Museum in some capacity, or in the racing industry. Ideally, I would be Head Horse Namer for Coolmore or Godolphin- basically swinging on gates watching cute foals playing and thinking up great winning names.
Edit: part of the reason I really can't bear the thought of turning 30 is knowing how much duller conversations are going to get. It's ten times worse when you're not even qualified to join in discussions about mortgages/weddings/DIY.
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quote:Originally posted by herbs: the best thing about being grown up would be being able to have Findus Crispy Pancakes for dinner every night
My dreams of being grown up involved having a house with excitingly designed slides instead of stairs, and dodgem-style cars to drive around in. Sort of a cross between the Monkees' and the Banana Splits' TV shows.
quote:Originally posted by ben: hence the import of my off-the-cuff remark about presenting a 12yo with a page thereof. Stop looking at me. STOP LOOKING AT MEEEE YOU FCCKING CCCCCNTS.
Tom: Oh, they really -
Vicky: yes, they're really good around here. James knows somebody on the school board -
Tom: Andrew
Paul: Andrew as in Reuters Andrew?
Tom: No, you don't know this Andrew
Vicky: He's an old friend from Uni
Tom: My Uni, not Vicki's
Paul: ...but I've met him haven't I? At your barbeque last year?
Vicky: Yes! Yes, he was there!
Tom: Ah, of course, you must have met him, then.
Paul: Nice guy, if I remember. Nice t-shirt
Vicky: Oh don't be mean!
Paul: What! I wasn't! lol. I thought it was a nice t-shirt
Claire: You can talk
Tom: ANYWAY, lol, back to the point -
Vicky: lol
Claire: Hang on, which barbeque was this..?
Tom: Rolleyes
Everybody: lol
Tom: BACK TO THE POINT - The schools round here really are excellent, and Andrew reckons there's a good chance... (knowing look)
Paul: lol, You're not saying that -
Vicky: now now Paul...we wouldn't dream of it... (wink)
Tom: Of course, some of James' friends will be going to St. Clagghorn
Claire: Ohhh, would you send him private?
Vicky: I -
Paul: Didn't you go private, Tom?
Tom: For a few years, and you know, it's nowhere near as bad as you might think.
Vicky: But we're looking to send James to Christchurch
Claire: Doesn't - Paul - don't we know somebody who's just sent their son there?
Paul: Oh....errrm... yes I think Matt and Jenny... What's his name...Alfie I think...
Ben: Oh, Oh fucking "alfie" is it? Fucking Alfie and fucking Christchurch? I suppose he's some kind of literary genius now is he, now that's he's going to Christchurch..
Vicky: No, I think Claire was -
Ben: I know what Claire was doing. Trying to make us all feel like we're shit-brained dribbling fuckbags because we didn't all go to some ridiculous concentration camp for -
Paul: Ben -
Ben: No, no, it's fine, I'm sure it's a veritable production line of artists and thinkers, who'll by some unhappy coincidence all end up queasily pushing pens for pennies in order to afford a little dubious fun before they die. They couldn't tell Joyce from my arsehole after the so-called 'education' you're talking about there, they -
Vicky: Ben, let's not go into this Joyce thing again, please, we're trying to have a nice night.
Paul: I told you what he's like without Deborah...
Ben: This Joyce thing! The Joyce thing! Do any of you so-called 'educated people' even know who Joyce is?
everybody: "......"
Ben: Let me tell you about Joyce. And remember, I didn't go to Christchurch or St Shit-hope. University of life, pal. University of life.
Tom: Here we go...
[ 29.05.2007, 08:05: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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posted
i might have that fancy dress party, just so that i can open the door to everyone who arrives dressed as a nun. that would rock so many bells, itd be like a constant call to compline in my head.
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I just remembered my main plan on turning grown up was owning a sweet shop. My best mate's aunt owned a sweet shop, and I just found this concept mind-blowingly awesome. You lived above the shop, and you could have anything in the shop whenever you wanted. Not just 20p each Friday- ALL SWEETS WHENEVER YOU WANTED. You didn't even have to open the shop if you didn't feel like it- you could sit and eat sweets all day, because they were all yours.
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posted
When I was a kid I wanted to be either Batman or some sort of dashing adventurer/pirate. Then, when I was more grown up I wanted to be Hunter S. Thompson, or at least a gonzo journalist like HST, but preferably without the writing responsibilities, just, you know, the drugs and mezcal and firearms and debauchery. Then I got a couple of proper jobs under my belt and it all sort of faded away.
posted
I can’t really remember what I wanted to be when I was a kid. I think I wanted to be an astronaut because I was always watching Star Trek. I might also have wanted to be a race car driver, because I loved motorsports. In school I had to make a choice between cars and computers and probably made the wrong decision.
I have a bit of a dream still though, perhaps not completely unrealistic, but I think it would be fantastic to own my own shop. A computer shop probably. Spending my days in the shop, fixing computers, building them, talking to enthusiasts about the latest parts, that kind of thing. I think I’d find that really really rewarding. Maybe I’d have a lad who comes in and works for me a few days a week too. Of course I know there would be a lot more work than that, and 90% of it would be money related, but just having your own little business where you make the decisions, you answer to nobody buy yourself and create your own success, yeah I think I’d love to do that.
Go on, laugh at me and piss on my dreams like I did to Dang when he laughably put forward a business idea where he has a magic van that people plug their iPods into and download music because it’s more convenient to do it in a car park than from your own PC.
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That reminds me of the TMO shopping street we were going to have. I was going to run a cheese shop, with a pickles cupboard called the 'chutney locker', and there would be book shops, delis, chandlers, and everything the discerning middle class wanker could desire.
As well as a cheese shop I'd like to run a hardware shop, with the walls lined with bits and bobs that only I could find. And I'd do key-cutting.
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after i realised that there was possibly more to being a nun than riding around on a moped looking serene, i decided that i would like to work in a shoe shop, but only the children's section, and only if it meant that i got to measure feet with the foot- measuring thing with the slding jaws and the belt that you pulled tight. god i loved that thing- and for the early part of my childhood my parents were quite poor so buying shoes was, in terms of excitement, not only the equivalent of a visit to the cinema or bembom brothers amusement park, but the replacement for those activities, so its a good thing really that i loved having my feet measured so much otherwise the years between 1978 and 1982 would have been essentially joyless. on a tmo shopping street, i would like to have a shoe shop, selling a very paltry selection of quite ugly shoes, but every time you went in you would have your feet measured in an adult sized measuring gauge. and i would be in charge of the measuring thing! and i would be able to measure my feet at any time, even when i wasnt at work! what bliss that would be.
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bembom brothers was awesome. I went there when it was dreamland in the mid nineties and they still had a dude sitting at the front and doing the brakes on the rollercoaster. also this ride made my friend sick.
[ 29.05.2007, 08:44: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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