quote:Originally posted by ralph: I've talked to my wife about me doing petty crime part-time. She's dead set against it. Something about me getting arrested, doing jail time, losing my job. Women, eh?
Yeah...
Okay, so how old are the kids? Are they currently racing through that glorious age where crimes can be committed without fear of gaol thyme? You could train 'em up good, I'd wager.
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quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Okay, so how old are the kids? Are they currently racing through that glorious age where crimes can be committed without fear of gaol thyme? You could train 'em up good, I'd wager.
Too young I'm afraid. The eldest is seven, the middle son is 5, and the little one is not quite 17 months old yet. Posts: 7436
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That is excellent ralph, Im genuinely pleased for you all
I think 7 is a good age as well ...small and manouverable for pickpocketing but too young for jail surely?
Im all out of moneymaking plans other than that...everything I think of involves selling a) drugs, or b) sordid sevices.
Moose watching trips? Tourists would pay top dollar for that. Hell, if you can get it on the trampoline I'll come over to see!
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quote:Originally posted by ralph: Too young I'm afraid. The eldest is seven, the middle son is 5, and the little one is not quite 17 months old yet.
Perfect, the 5 year old is young enough to still be cute enough to distract old ladies, while the 7 year old clonks them over the head with his ralph-made mugging stick (freshly hewn from a ralph-tree in ralph-woods). You could clean up here ralph If they get caught you just claim the 17 month-old is the mastermind behind the whole thing..
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Ralph, do you listen to "this American Life..." on the wireless? The last one that was one was all about building "dream homes" with hilarious, poiniantly hubristic and touching results...
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Anyhow, in an effort to get this thread back on track, let's talk house building!
I talked to the excavator, and he's ready to come over just as soon as I finish clearing the area of tree. Three more to go...two of which scare the hell out of me.
I got financing, more than I had anticipated. Not only did the credit union approve my line of credit, but my bank also issued me a line of credit in the same amount. My cup runneth over.
Here's the rough plans we've drawn up thus far:
The builder took a look last night and he had no problems with what it is we want to do. We don't actually have a building permit yet, but in my town that's a mere formality.
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quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Congratulations on the credit, ralph.
I'm rather worried about the stability of your new house though, what with the lack of a ground floor.
Thanks mf. I fear that we're having another one of those little language barrier issues again. When I say first floor I suspect that's ground floor to you. Silly Brit. Posts: 7436
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In case you were wondering - lol - that's not a real image. What I did, is take the poster for 'Alphaville' and then phoo some people with beards over the heads of the lead characters, and then add an 'R' to the title. If you look closely you can still just about see where the original image ends and my digital manipulations begin.
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What are the various oval/circle/triangle shapes on the first/ground floor plan?
I used to spend ages as a kid drawing out house floorplans. If I ever buy a flat I will end up getting it from Foxtons even though they are *****, just because they do floor plans on their website. Mmmm...
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American houses are gigantic, aren't they. In Roseanne Roseanne and family were supposed to be fucking 'blue collar' but they lived in a mansion, ffs.
Also, I remember watching Boyz in teh Hood and, while watching Cuba Gooding and Ice Cube blub about how hard things are in the ghetto I was sitting there thinking, actually, those houses are really nice - spacious, huge porches for sitting in your rocking chair with a glass of home-made lemonade. What the fuck are these kids whining about? They should try living in, say, Beeston, the pussyoles. Posts: 8657
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I always get that when watching American films. Like in Swingers where Jon Favreau's flat in LA is supposed to show how hard up he is when he can't get work. That place would be a fucking palace if you had it to yourself in central London. You'd feel like you'd conquered the world.
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Ralph - there appears to be a khazi in your lounge. That's taking being a free-n-easy hippy a bit far, frankly. Your kids will grow up with issues, fo sho.
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The flats that the hard-up folk live in in The Wire are authentically grim, though. Dozens of kids sleeping on matresses in two rooms, that kind of thing.
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Sometimes, you know, I don't think TV portrays life as it is. My friends in LA - who are both medium-well-off, non Roseanne-pleb level - live in a one-bedroom apartment, with small kitchen and no garden, and to buy it would cost the best part of $1 million. So. Yes.
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I've always assumed that you grew up in some kind of stately home though, thorn. You've often refrenced your childhood, and I always see it as being like your dad sitting in a dusty armchair by a large fire reading a leatherbound Who's Who, your mum half a mile away by the aga listening to radio 4, and you'd be listening to your metal with your sister/girlfriend VP in the children's wing.
[ 11.07.2007, 10:03: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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You're just assuming that I grew up in a mansion because I don't talk like one of the Orcs from Lord of the Rings. The house I grew up in is a pretty average detached house. It's kind of out in the sticks, but it's not that big, and as for an AGA - lol. It's just a bog standard 4-hob gas cooker from the 15 years ago, making it pretty much the most modern appliance in the kitchen. The rest of the kitchen is still exactly as it is when my folks bought the house in 1979: Cork tiles, beige cupboards, warped windows.
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quote:Originally posted by Abby: What are the various oval/circle/triangle shapes on the first/ground floor plan?
I know that some of them are the stove, various sinks, and a toilet. The rest of them I honestly have no clue. That's my wife's handiwork, not mine. I build houses. I don't design them. Posts: 7436
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quote:Originally posted by herbs: Ralph - there appears to be a khazi in your lounge. That's taking being a free-n-easy hippy a bit far, frankly. Your kids will grow up with issues, fo sho.
I don't believe my wife would have put a toilet in our lounge. I think it's some pointer that the software put in.
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In Spain I lived in 47 square metres - if someone can translate that into square feet, then that would be my answer. It was big on smallness. I lived alone for most of the time, so size not so important, but it was also an office open to the public.
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quote:Originally posted by herbs: Ralph - there appears to be a khazi in your lounge. That's taking being a free-n-easy hippy a bit far, frankly. Your kids will grow up with issues, fo sho.
I don't believe my wife would have put a toilet in our lounge. I think it's some pointer that the software put in.
It's a bleedin cludgie, I tell you. It's the same symbol as that what is in the bathroom on the 'second' floor. I'd advise your wife to put the lavs with their backs to an outside wall, otherwise you'll have a soil pipe running vertically through your house.
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There's a housing estate in Greenham, near Newbury, that was built for the families of American servicemen working at the Greenham Common base. When the base closed the whole estate was boarded up and the roads blocked off, but a mate of mine found an back way in, and we used to tear around the deserted streets in his car and occasionally break in to the houses. They were modestly outfitted, but the rooms were bloody gigantic. The main living areas were probably twice the size of a normal room. And the kitchens were even more massive.
Since then, the houses have been cleaned up and now form Newbury's poorest council estate. This probably makes sense, as everyone knows poor people have way too many children. So there's plenty of space for a family of 15 or whatever. The area is so rough that the police are too scared to visit, and there's no way you'd get a taxi anywhere closer than a mile away.
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quote:Originally posted by mart: In Spain I lived in 47 square metres - if someone can translate that into square feet, then that would be my answer. It was big on smallness. I lived alone for most of the time, so size not so important, but it was also an office open to the public.
That's about 500 square foot. Not that small. But, then again, not that big. A third of the size of Ralph's mansion, but he's got to fit in kids, beards, and enormous outsized American domestic applicances.
quote:Originally posted by herbs: That's about 500 square foot. Not that small. But, then again, not that big. A third of the size of Ralph's mansion, but he's got to fit in kids, beards, and enormous outsized American domestic applicances.
Um, we currently live in 300 square feet. And there's five of us. I think what I'm trying to say is FUCK OFF.
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quote:Originally posted by herbs: That's about 500 square foot. Not that small. But, then again, not that big. A third of the size of Ralph's mansion, but he's got to fit in kids, beards, and enormous outsized American domestic applicances.
Um, we currently live in 300 square feet. And there's five of us. I think what I'm trying to say is FUCK OFF.
Keep your beard on. I meant that your new gaff, even allowing for ralph lifestyle, is only three times the size of Mart's spanish flat, and thus he was complaining un-necessarily.
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If they get caught you just claim the 17 month-old is the mastermind behind the whole thing..
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