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I tried to make 'strip tease' music while Pia got in the bath but she told me off. You know 'dad dah dah dah da da dadad dad da (I love you baby)' and the like but she just stood there in her jimmy jams looking really unconvincingly stern.
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7.45 – alarm. Hit snooze. Promise self to never stay up late/drink/other ever again. Wonder what I have to do this morning. 7.55 – alarm again. 8.05 – alarm again. Get up, open blind to assess weather and make bed. To bathroom…wee, brush teeth and wash face. Or shower if not done before bed (no sleep filth accumulates). 8.15 – Dress, look at hair, poke hair…give up. 8.15-8.30 – Wander around house faffing/tidying/grumbling. Possibly pick up packed lunch if made. Have pita bread if hungover. Get cycling gear on. 8.30 – leave.
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I had my bed making shit locked down tight before MKandy even turned a duvet.
What I can't get my head around is the number of people who watch TV in the morning or log on. I can't even put the radio in the morning yo. I've got to have silence first thing, it's the only way my shit won't do a houdini on me.
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7:00 - alarm goes off 7:04 - get out of bed 7:05 - deodorise 7:05 - get dressed 7:06 - shave 7:07 - encourage cat away from sink 7:07 - wash face 7:08 - aftershave 7:09 - brush teeth 7:12 - mouthwash 7:13 - put jizzwax in hair 7:14 - try to make hair be reasonable 7:37 - give up 7:38 - stroke cat 7:40 - say goodbye to Kellifer 7:41 - stroke cat 7:42 - leave flat 7:44 - get to train station 7:45 - get on train 8:10 - get off train 8:11 - smoke cigarette 8:15 - get to work 8:16 - purge bladder and bowel
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0745: Hit snooze on mobile 'phone alarm. Rest it on stomach. 0750: Hit snooze on mobile 'phone alarm. Lightly clench it. 0755: Hit 'Off' on mobile 'phone alarm. Toss on to floor. 0805: Hit snooze on cheap Argos £1-99 alarm. 'Accidentally' knock on to floor. 0810: Hit snooze on third alarm whilst groping around under the bed for the cheap alarm which is still fucking bleeping... 0815: Attempt to convince myself that getting out of bed would be a good idea. 0820: Wake up in a state of panic. Leap out of bed, switching on stereo en-route to the bathroom. Brush teeth whilst sitting on the toilet, pissing and striving to have a shit. 0825: Realise that the shit isn't going to happen and wash hair and face, sticking two crumpets in the toaster beforehand. 0830: Eat crumpets whilst hopping around the bedroom grabbing at clothes left in convenient locations the night before. 0835: Scrape hair back and drink a pint of orange cordial. 0840: Half-jog to car with packed lunch, cursing myself for being such a pathetic, lazy **** . 0841: Run back to flat to switch off stereo. 0842: Drive to work. 0905: Arrive at work and blame the traffic/'new' roadworks for making my journey to work a complete and utter nightmare.
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Your thread invited everyone to slate the olympics, but nobody wants to because the Olympics this year have been genuinely exciting and entertaining. You would know this if you even watched themPosts: 12211
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quote:Originally posted by Zygote: 0820: ...Brush teeth... 0830: Eat crumpets... 0835: ...drink a pint of orange cordial.
This needs a re-think, Zyg.
I see your point, however this order of events is deliberate. If I brushed my teeth after eating, then there would probably still be a lingering whiff of alcohol on my breath. I've found that far less people accuse me of stinking of alcohol when I eat something after brushing. At least that's the way I see it. Pretty sad when you think about it... Posts: 1696
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Your thread invited everyone to slate the olympics, but nobody wants to because the Olympics this year have been genuinely exciting and entertaining. You would know this if you even watched them
I wanted to slag of the Chinese actually. You would know this if you even read the thread
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They're an industrious, hard working nation with a rich cultural history and a single-minded determination to be the very best at whatever they turn their hand to. We should admire the Chinese you idiot! Posts: 12211
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Yeah, I think the Chinese put on a bloody good lympics. I actually wanted them to win at everything (at least beat Team USA). I was gutted when their basketball team was knocked out.
But then late one night, I lay dozing in front of the Games on the Red Button. It was the bit between games where they show a live shot of the lympic flame. Now I may have dreamt this, but I'm sure I remember seeing a group of Chinese officials climbing the staircase around the edge of the cauldron, carrying a large yellow bundle. As they struggled to hoist this seemingly heavy load over the edge, some of the golden fabric unravelled, revealing the body of a what looked like a Tibetan monk!
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In China it's probably a great honour to be tortured by the state. It's a whole different world. I've read some Haruki Murakami books, so I know what I'm talking about.
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quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: I don’t think secret executions, censorship, genocide and torture are Socialist ideals, dude.
Oh yeah, now you get all serious. Presumably you thought the best way to highlight China's horrendous human rights record was with a tread asking for suggestions for comedy Olympic events?
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Incidentally, all the models I'm using are made in Japan, as far as I can tell. And as we all know, the Nips are good guys
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Incidentally, all the models I'm using are made in Japan, as far as I can tell. And as we all know, the Nips are good guys
Try telling that to the Nanking Tourist board.
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My girlfriend said that I looked chinese in the following picture, taken on a recent night out. I don't agree with her. Viewers may be interested to know that the angry looking guy on the right is my brother.
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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